


Big Quidditch Hero

by womeninthesequel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crushes, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Female James Potter, Flirting, Gen, Getting Together, Hogwarts Prefects' Bathroom, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Invisibility Cloak (Harry Potter), Kissing, Letters, Minor Injuries, Party, Quidditch, Slytherin Lily Evans Potter, Sneaking Around, Trapped In A Closet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womeninthesequel/pseuds/womeninthesequel
Summary: Who knew Lily's hero could be the Gryffindor Quidditch captain with mischief in her eyes? (Slytherin!Lily & fem!Jily)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Mary Macdonald & Lily Evans Potter, Petunia Evans Dursley/Vernon Dursley, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 182
Kudos: 110
Collections: Fem! Jily





	1. Slytherin v. Ravenclaw

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alrightginger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alrightginger/gifts).



> This story started as a drabble. Then, I wanted to add another scene to have a twist. Then, it turned into all of this. 
> 
> Thank you to @orderofthepygmypuff for all the beta work and keeping this a secret!
> 
> Happy birthday, Sam. You're the only reason I would ever spell it as "alright," the Marceline to my PB, and my favorite Slytherin queen. Love you so much. <3

“Not interested.” 

“I only want to -”

“Save your breath.”

The girl continues up the stairs, not looking back at the boy trailing in her wake. Her dark red hair blows loosely in the wind as she seeks out a better view. She’s decked out in a green and silver striped sweater, scarf, and hat for the occasion. 

As the breeze increases, she pauses. She pulls her robe tightly against the November wind that makes the flags on the top parts of the stands snap. 

The boy stops for only a moment to look up at her retreating back before scurrying up a few stairs. His dark hair skims the scarf hanging loosely around his neck. His robes that match hers in color whip around his legs in the wind. 

“Lily,” he says, trying to catch up to her. “I think you should consider -”

“I’d like to consider nothing you have to say right now, thank you.” At the landing, she stops, though she doesn’t look down the steps to the boy attempting to talk to her. She glances around and takes a few more steps before leaning against the railing and looking out at the field. “I don’t have the patience for your Death Eater talk right now. Leave me alone, Severus.”

A frustrated sigh and the last few pounding steps make him appear on the landing too. There’s a pause, but then she feels the presence of someone walking closer to her. Her whole body tenses, her shoulders raising closer to her ears and her fingers gripping the bar in front of her. 

He’s impossibly close to her when her message has been perfectly clear. She can tell that he’s fighting to keep his voice measured. “Give me two minutes and -” 

She’s given him almost seven years, so she cuts him off. “The game is starting.” Her voice isn’t all edges and hard lines, but it’s also not an invitation. 

Lily faces determinedly forward and watches fourteen players, half in blue and half in green, march onto the field and stand across from each other. The referee shouts, but they’re high enough that she can only hear that the ref is talking and none of their individual words.

“The game’s not important,” he says.

“It’s important to me.”

The stands behind them, a mass of nearly uninterrupted emerald and silver, let out a collective cheer when a red ball is thrown into the air and fourteen brooms take flight. Lily’s eyes follow the players as they toss the quaffle back and forth, zigzagging down the pitch toward the hoops at the end.

“Lily.” Severus puts a hand on her arm, instantly pulling her attention away from the game. Lily’s first instinct is to jerk away from his clutches, but he holds tight. His pale fingers circle her thin wrist, and she wants to run. “Just stop and listen -”

“I don’t think Evans wants to talk to you, Snivellus.”

Lily spins toward the new voice, the breath knocked out of her like a bludger tried to knock her from the sky. 

Severus drops her wrist like it burned him and takes a step back. 

She crosses her arms, both to make a point and keep them out of reach of the boy standing beside her. Lily fights to keep her facial expression neutral and cool, though she can’t deny the relief that comes from getting Severus to move away from her. “I don’t need you to save me, Potter.”

Jamie grins, ruffling her dark hair and standing defiantly in her red sweater against a sea of green. “Just trying to help, Evans. I know it can be hard to get rid of grease stains.”

Severus lets out a breath through his nose, fists clenched at his sides. 

“I wasn’t aware you were hanging around with people like _that_ , Lily.” Although he addresses her, his eyes don’t move from Jamie. “You forgot about your friends and moved on to Gryffindor’s big Quidditch hero.”

Lily’s fingers instinctively catch the end of her scarf, twisting the yarn. “I wasn’t aware it was your business who I hang around with anymore, Severus,” she answers sharply. 

She can only deal with one of the people in front of her at a time, so she picks the more pressing issue.

His lip curls as he turns his gaze from Potter to Evans. “So you are running around with people like that. Prats and show-offs and were-”

“Snape,” Jamie cuts in, giving a good show of looking bored, though her hazel eyes flash. She takes a step forward. “No one wants you here. Can’t you bugger off already?”

Apparently, he’s seen or heard enough, because Snape turns, pulling his robes close to him and taking slow, deliberate steps up the stairs of the stands. He slides into the seat next to Mulciber, who leans over to tell him something. He faces away from Lily, so she can’t make out what he’s saying, but she isn’t sure that she wants to know.

When she looks over at Jamie, she sees that her eyes are still on Severus and have a hard edge Lily isn’t used to from her. In the few seconds that Lily watches her, Jamie’s shoulders relax and her eyes soften. It’s almost like she’s coming back into herself. Jamie tosses her hair over her shoulder and winks toward Lily when she catches her looking.

Lily turns back to the game and leans against the railing again, as if nothing strange has happened. As if she has been able to watch the game in peace and feel completely at ease in the section of the stands that is supposed to feel like home. As if she didn’t have to confront her former best friend and only get him to leave with the arrival of the permanent thorn in her side.

Jamie Potter has never been one to let something go, though, so it shouldn’t surprise Lily when she leans against the railing next to her. They don’t say anything for a moment or two, watching the players trade the quaffle down the field. 

When Jamie speaks, her voice is barely loud enough to be heard over the noise of the crowd. “You don’t have to stay here, you know.”

“I’m cheering for my house’s team, and this is our section.” Lily replies with more force than she feels, not looking away from the game.

Jamie makes a sound that’s halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “I can guarantee that you’d have more fun with the Gryffindors, Evans,” she says. “Even if you are cheering for Slytherin.”

Lily swallows. “I can’t talk about this here.”

Jamie shrugs and shifts so their shoulders bump against each other. “All the more reason.”

Immediately, as if Jamie’s shoulder is scalding, Lily steps back and catches herself on the railing. “What are you -” She breaks off and glances up at the top of the stands. Thankfully, Avery and Mulciber have pulled Severus into some kind of serious discussion, because none of them are looking at the game or her.

Her eyes harden along with her resolve.

“All right, Potter. Let’s go.”

That’s enough to light a spark of mischief in Jamie’s eyes. “Aye aye, captain,” she answers with a mock-salute.

Lily tugs her scarf up to hide her smile. “Aren’t you actually a captain?”

Jamie laughs as she takes Lily’s hand and tugs her down the stairs, toward the pathway to go up the other side of the stands. Lily snatches her hand back halfway down the staircase. She shakes it off to hide the shiver that goes up her spine when the other girl’s hand touches hers.

If it bothers her, Jamie doesn’t show it. She ducks behind the stairs as soon as her feet touch the ground, and Lily follows without prompting. “I’ve got a secret,” Jamie says in a stage-whisper, once they’re both hidden from view. “It’ll make getting out of here easier. You in?”

Lily nods. Before she knows what is happening, Jamie pulls something out of her pocket and throws it over them both. She presses herself against Lily’s side and adjusts the cloak so their ankles won’t show when they walk. Without asking, she knows that it isn’t an ordinary cloak. It has the weight of something else - something like magic. 

Of course, it _is_ magic, Lily reminds herself. They go to a school for wizards and witches. She’s been in this world for nearly seven years, since she was eleven. One day, new magic might not surprise her so much.

“This is how you get into so much trouble!” Lily exclaims as best as she can while keeping her voice down. She flicks the cloak back and forth by her foot so she can see the toe of her boot go in and out of sight. 

“No, Evans,” Jamie says patiently, though Lily can hear a smile in her voice. She puts her hand over Lily’s wrist. “This is how I don’t get caught.”

The rest of the students on this side of the stands are stubbornly in their own house’s colors or wearing something blue, hastily thrown on to show who they are purposefully not supporting. To her credit, they’re on the other side of the field, up the stairs, and sliding into the seats next to Jamie’s friends when someone finally notices that there’s a flash of green among them. 

“Prongs!” The shortest boy in their group greets them, the first to notice they’ve been joined by new arrivals. His eyes flicker a bit nervously to the flying players, but he’s smiling when he looks back at them.

Jamie leans over to clap their hands together and stows the cloak in the pocket of her robe. “Haven’t missed too much, have I, Wormtail?”

“About time,” another friend complains, pulling Jamie into the seat next to him. He swipes his hair away from his face with unpracticed elegance. Lily can’t help but notice how some of the eyes in the crowd linger on him instead of the game. “I thought you were going to waste the whole game playing savior and chatting up Evans.” 

Jamie shoves him, but he pushes her back without any hesitation. “Shut up, Padfoot.”

“The snakes have already -” 

Whatever he was about to blame on the Slytherins goes forgotten when he looks past Jamie’s shoulder and his eyes widen.

“Hello, Lily,” Remus adds pointedly, nudging Sirius in the side with his elbow.

“What’s she doing here?” 

Although Lily wasn’t anticipating a welcome, she flinches at the accusation in Sirius’ tone. 

Jamie shrugs and turns her attention to the pitch. As if that will be enough to stop her best friend’s tendency for dramatics. “Watching the game.”

“What?” Sirius stops staring at Lily long enough to glare at Jamie. Like he can’t believe the conditions he’s forced to live with, like his best mate has broken down a sacred wall of trust between them. “You brought a bloody snake into the Gryffindor section, Prongs. I don’t care if -”

“Black.” Lily straightens her back and tries to make sure Sirius doesn’t rattle her. “I heard Ravenclaw was supposed to be your biggest competition this year with their new seeker. Shouldn’t you be cheering against them?”

He snorts, but it’s better than not responding at all. “You’re never going to convince me to cheer for Slytherin, Evans.”

She shrugs and settles into the other seat next to Jamie. “That’s fine,” Lily answers. “Wouldn’t be sports without a few unshakeable grudges here and there, would it?”

Remus coughs to hide a shaky laugh. Sirius tries to glare at him, but he doesn’t reach his eyes. Lily takes that as a victory and pulls her hat down to cover her hair, which is a little frizzy from shuffling under Potter’s cloak. 

They’re all pressed together on their bench, closer than she’s ever been to anyone on the Slytherin side, with Jamie’s hip against hers and Remus’ elbow knocking hers on the other side. Still, she feels more at ease here, the only green in a crowd of red, even with Sirius’ initial hostility, than she did with Avery and Mulciber glaring a hole in the back of her head.

She gasps along with the crowd when it looks like Regulus Black, Slytherin’s seeker and - though neither of them would like to acknowledge it - Sirius’ brother, sees the snitch. He turns his broom sharply and lays almost flat as he takes off, picking up speed. The Ravenclaw seeker looks around wildly, trying to find whatever caught Regulus’ attention. 

As quickly as he started, Regulus pulls to a stop. Slowly, the realization trickles through the crowd in a wave of sighs and disappointment. It was only a trick of the light.

Sitting heavily back in her seat, Lily lets out the breath she started holding when it looked like Regulus might win them the game. 

“Was I right? Is it more fun to watch with the Gryffindors?”

Lily looks over at Jamie. Even though she asked the question, probably with the intention of getting a response, the smile teasing the corners of her lips indicates that she’s arrived at an answer of her own. 

Lily catches herself watching Jamie’s mouth for a beat too long. 

“Everyone’s bound to be right eventually,” Lily answers quickly, eyes darting up to meet Jamie’s and words tripping over each other in her haste to say something that even hints at being clever. 

Jamie shrugs one shoulder, that damn smile making Lily’s heart rate erratic. “As long as you’re having a good time.” She leans closer, filling Lily’s senses with the sharp scent of peppermint and making it hard to think about points or keepers or quaffles. “This is nothing, they tell me, compared to a Gryffindor game. Then, we’re the best crowd and -”

“Can you two stop flirting and watch the game?”

Jamie jumps at the interruption from her best friend, almost causing her glasses to slide off her nose. She pushes them up hurriedly, making a show of turning back to the pitch and pointing out a play to Peter. Finally, that hint of a smile that makes Lily sweat under a knitted scarf despite the bite of the air is gone. Lily’s heart pounds furiously. She pulls up the scarf as if the cold is getting to her nose, but it’s more to cover her burning cheeks. 

When Regulus makes a second shot for the snitch, Lily looks in front of him and can actually see the glint of gold that has both of the seekers pushing their brooms as fast as they can go. They’re coming from opposite directions, so it’s difficult to see who is pulling ahead. Both of the seekers reach their hands out and swipe for the snitch. 

The sleeves of blue Quidditch robes whip around the arm that holds the struggling snitch triumphantly. Half of the stands, including everyone around her, bursts into a loud cheer that feels like it shakes the earth beneath them.

“Take that, Evans!” Sirius calls, though the grin on his face and playful shove to her shoulder take away any of the malice of his words. 

Lily laughs. It’s hard to be grumpy, even when her team loses, when the students around her are slapping each other’s backs and exchanging details about celebrating. It’s hard not to be swept up in their excitement. 

She looks toward Sirius. “Bet we’ll still make the final.”

Sirius looks at her for a long few seconds and drops his grin before one side of his mouth quirks up toward a genuine smile. “You’re on, Evans.”

“Five galleons?”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Make it ten or it’s not worth my time.”

“Fine.” She makes a note to herself that she’ll have to start watching her spending money on the off-chance that she loses. Lily sticks out her hand. “Deal.”

“Deal,” Sirius replies, shaking her hand and pulling her forward in the process. 

She stumbles, but Potter happens to break off her conversation with a teammate just in time to notice and catch her. Potter’s arms go around her waist, using her trained reflexes and practiced balance to keep them both standing. 

When she regains her footing, Lily draws back. Her breath catches in her throat with their faces so close together, closer than she’s ever been to Jamie Potter. Lacking any grace, she straightens quickly, making Jamie withdraw her arms. 

“Sorry,” Lily manages, unable to ignore the streaks of pink that she knows are covering her cheeks. “I didn’t mean -”

“It’s fine,” Potter says, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder to make sure she’s steady. “All right, Evans?”

“Yeah,” she says distractedly. “I’m all right.” Her eyes skip over Jamie to Sirius, who tugged on her arm halfway through their handshake and now stands behind Jamie’s shoulder. He looks far too satisfied for a person who only made a bet and hasn’t won it yet. 

Damn him.

“Thanks.” Lily thinks Sirius might wink at her, but she looks back at Jamie before she can be sure. “For letting me… Thanks.”

Jamie puts a hand on her hip, back straight and projecting confidence. “Anytime, Evans. Don’t let the Slytherins get you down.”

“Don’t get too full of yourself now.” She laughs, the sound grating her own ears and feeling as forced as it is. She has to get out of there before she can let Sirius do anything else foolish. “Have a good weekend, everyone.” 

Remus waves, and Sirius doesn’t drop the smirk that says he knows something. She steals one last glance at Jamie, who has her hand buried in her hair, and turns away. Lily slips between the crowd of bodies to make her way down the stairs, dodging in and out to blend into a group of Slytherins, and joins the flood of students going back up to the castle. 

For the walk back, she lets the river of people guide her. What she feels is relief, she tells herself, at sitting with people who aren’t waiting to judge her every move. Even if Sirius can be a prat, he isn’t preparing to pounce on her the second she makes what they consider to be a mistake. Sirius is teasing and mostly harmless, liking the reactions he gets more than anything else.

She can still be a proud Slytherin and sit with other houses sometimes. Red and gold surrounding her won’t change her allegiance or make her forget who she is. 

It’s just a Quidditch game. It isn’t any emotion more complicated than enjoying something different. Lily follows the rest of the Slytherins, letting a few in front give the password to let them into the common room. She determinedly _doesn’t_ think about the way Sirius grinned like he knew a great secret and Jamie’s arms at her waist made her heart thump loudly.

It’s just a Quidditch game.


	2. Gryffindor v. Hufflepuff

Based on the appearance of the magical ceiling in the Great Hall, the sky outside is almost completely gray. The overcast caused by angry, heavy clouds makes it look dark, as if it is closer to evening than morning. The torches flare to keep the hall from looking like a dungeon while Lily casts a glance to the ominously churning clouds above her.

The ceiling doesn’t bode well for good Quidditch weather.

Pulling her hood over her hair and huddling under a storm isn’t the most comfortable way to spend a Saturday morning in November. The ceiling can’t tell her the temperature, but Lily doubts it’s anywhere close to balmy or pleasant. 

Like the majority of the school, however, Lily is willing to risk it and hope for a quick game.

This early in the season, it’s hard to tell what bearing the result of the match will have on Slytherin’s chances for the Cup. Still, no one wants to miss the chance to get a look at this year’s teams and see what they’ll be up against in a few months. Every point counts when it comes to deciding the final.

Plus, it’s one of the few games left, since this is her last year of school Quidditch. She can’t let something like the wet weather of Scotland keep her from seeing Gryffindor and Hufflepuff play for her last time as a student.

Because, of course, the plays and general love of sport are the only reasons why she’s invested in a game that doesn’t involve her house’s team.

The rain means no one is moving quickly this morning, so Lily doesn’t feel any need to rush. She reaches for another piece of toast while trying to keep her eyes on the textbook propped up by her pumpkin juice. She can justify devoting her Saturday morning to Quidditch, she tells herself, if she manages to fit a little studying in beforehand. N.E.W.T.s don’t care that her Quidditch-watching days are numbered.

“Are you going to the game?”

She nearly knocks over her mug at the sound of a familiar voice. 

Luckily, he quickly grabs her book and snaps it shut to save it from a juice-related emergency. A little guiltily, Severus holds the book out to her. “Didn’t realize you were studying. I’m…” He moves his hand with the book toward her, as if she’s taken a beat longer than he thought she would to grab it. “I didn’t realize.”

“It’s fine,” Lily replies, taking the book from him. “Why wouldn’t I go to the game?”

She knows she sounds defensive. Ever since she realized what he says behind her back, she hasn’t been able to feel at ease around him. Part of her always knew it, judging by the company he keeps, but it still hurts. It’s like she’s waiting for the moment where the Severus he is around her and the Severus he is without her converge.

Not that she’s really explained to him _why_ she can’t be comfortable in their friendship anymore. Shouldn’t he know that something is wrong without her spelling it out for him?

Severus shrugs and takes the seat across from her without an invitation. “What do you think of Hufflepuff’s chances?”

Lily eyes him carefully as he loads his own plate. Slowly, she lowers the book and puts it on the bench by her side. She makes a conscious effort to relax her shoulders and return to her meal. It’s breakfast, not a battlefield.

“I don’t know who they got to replace Diggory,” she says, picking up her knife and spreading raspberry jam on her toast. “Although unless it’s someone absolutely incredible, I think they’ll have to get lucky. Gryffindor’s roster is solid.”

Uncharacteristically, Severus nods and accepts this without comment. He pours himself some pumpkin juice and spoons an egg onto his plate. The moment sits heavily, and Lily isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say to keep their conversation going. 

It used to be so easy to talk to him. From their spot under the trees, they could daydream about Hogwarts. They whittled away hours talking about getting sorted into the same house and doing magic. She had a million questions and thought he knew all the answers.

Now, every exchange is loaded with mines that she has to cross slowly to avoid. If asked, she would still call them friends, but it doesn’t match the images she has in her head of their friendship. Anymore, she doesn’t know what will set him off on a tirade or trigger the kinds of comments she’s heard when he doesn’t think she’s listening.

Lily can’t ignore the increase in reported disappearances when she opens the _Daily Prophet_. She can’t ignore the whispers of a name, especially among the members of her house. Severus is her friend, but she suspects that he’s becoming more likely to sway toward a side she could never back. Especially once they leave school, everyone has a choice to make. 

Hisfriends appear, by all means, to be ready and willing to join the Death Eaters.

The thought floods her mind with images from the paper. Snakes winding their way through green floating skulls. Destroyed buildings and structures that look like accidents to muggle eyes but carry all the traces of magic. Dirty words thrown at students who have backgrounds that match hers. 

But he would never do that, she tells herself. An ever-shrinking part of her says he uses those words because of the pressure to fit in. He can’t really believe them. He makes statements in front of others, but they don’t know the Severus she knows. They don’t know the boy who explained how an owl would surprise her one morning and change her life.

He can’t hate like he claims and also want to be her friend, can he?

When he’s like this, Lily thinks, it might be the time to bring it up. To explain why she gets so cold and wants to be left alone. To explain why she feels like her best friend is disappearing and being replaced by someone she doesn’t recognize.

To ask him how he thinks it’s acceptable to use _that word_ when her blood matches it.

Any words she can think of are awkward and forced, so they dissolve on her tongue. If she has time to think about them, maybe the result will be better. Maybe she can save this calm moment and find a better time to say what’s on her mind.

She has to have a plan before talking to Severus about this. If not, it will end like all of their fights. She’ll be angry. He’ll be angry. They’ll fight. A few days later, they’ll come back, but nothing will be solved.

She doesn’t know the answer or if she can stop him from being what she fears.

“It should be a good game,” Lily offers. “As long as the rain holds off.”

Severus casts a glance at the ceiling. She swears that the corner of his mouth turns up in the suggestion of a smile. “We’ll have to hope for an early catch, I think.”

They eat the rest of their meal in silence, but it isn’t uncomfortable. It’s more like breakfasts they used to have, when they were both caught up in their own thoughts. They have nearly every class together and spend time in the common room, so every second doesn’t need to be filled with meaningful conversation.

Being able to sit in silence without stewing is a good sign for them.

“Ready?” he asks, pushing his empty plate away from him. Groups of students from all of the tables start to make their way out of the Great Hall. Everyone is still moving slowly because of the weather, but they’re bundling up for the trek to the pitch. Happy murmuring fills the hall with suggestions about what will happen and who might win.

Once her breakfast is done, she nods and stands. As they walk toward the doors, Lily tucks her hair under her hood and exits the castle with everyone else. She lets the natural flow of the crowd guide her onto the grounds and to their side of the stadium to find a seat. 

A few of the other seventh year Slytherins cluster together over a section of three benches. They’re all wearing small hints of their house - an emerald pin fastening the top of a robe, a green and silver scarf wrapped over a chin to avoid the chill - and not outwardly rooting for a particular side in this battle.

Thankfully, she notes as she sits among them, they chatter about nothing. Their conversation is about exams and essays rather than the topics that make Lily sit on the edge of her seat, so she doesn’t have to bite her tongue against about half of what she really wants to say. For now, they can be normal teenagers who have normal worries like getting a poor mark.

The air is thick, although it holds off for the moment, threatening a downpour at any moment. 

“Did you hear about Potter and Black?” Cornelia Burke whispers by her ear, pulling Lily from thoughts about how she’s going to manage to finish her Transfiguration essay. 

“What about them?”

“They got caught last night by Filch - in a _broom cupboard_ \- after curfew.” Cornelia smirks like a cat playing with her latest toy. “Three guesses what they were doing.” 

Cornelia loves spreading rumors about who is shagging who, but Lily doesn’t usually pay them any mind. It’s their own business. 

This one, however, has the glimmer of truth in it, and hits closer to home than she wants to admit, even to herself. Lily has seen how close Sirius and Jamie are - it’s hard to find one without the other. 

She doesn’t know why, but her stomach twists at the thought of them doing what teenagers usually do in private spaces. 

“I heard they got about a week’s detention,” Cornelia continues. “Loads of people are talking about it. I wonder if she’ll still be playing today.” 

Lily focuses on that bit of what she said. It’s better than the scenarios her head creates to put Potter and Black in the same closed broom closet late at night. “Potter has to play,” Lily answers.

Cornelia’s forehead creases like Lily said something she doesn’t understand. “You mean she’ll manage to get out of it for the game? You’re probably right, Evans. Potter hasalways been one of Dumbledore’s favorites.”

Both teams take to the field, half in bright yellow and the other half in scarlet. Even from this height, Potter’s dark hair stands out when she reaches over to shake hands with the Hufflepuff captain. Lily lets out a breath, as if Jamie’s presence dismisses Cornelia’s implication.

Not that it would matter to her, even if it was true.

All of the players kick off from the ground. The game starts with a quick Gryffindor possession. Potter throws the quaffle to her teammate and cuts across the pitch to get in better position. Her hair, pulled into a messy ponytail and already escaping from the tie, flies behind her as she gathers speed. 

In the air, doing what Lily would have called impossible ten years ago, Jamie is where she is meant to be. She’s in control and excelling, able to fly circles around half of the players on the pitch, including her own team. She concentrates on her own plays and yells commands to the rest of her team, being a player and captain in the same breath.

One of the Gryffindor chasers sinks a goal into the far right hoop, barely making it past the hands of the Hufflepuff keeper. Lily can hear Potter’s whoop of delight from her seat.

Only a few minutes in, Lily realizes that she doesn’t actually remember anything that anyone around her has said - or if they said anything at all - since Potter took the field. She glances at her housemates surrounding her, searching for an anchor of conversation to grasp before accusations start.

Cornelia has moved on. She’s deep in discussion with Avery, huddled off a little way from the rest of their group and hardly paying attention to the game. Lily has seen them snogging in the corner of the common room where they don’t think anyone can see too many times. Getting in the middle of that, she thinks, might actually be worse than an accusation of being distracted by a particular player on the field. 

Severus catches her eye, and she pointedly looks away, watching the Hufflepuff chasers start a new formation toward the hoops. He’s likely already suspicious after she ditched him at the last game to watch with Potter and her friends, so she can’t give him any room for misinterpretation. If he thinks she was distracted by a Gryffindor, she’ll never hear the end of it.

A loud crack crashes through the sky and echoes between the stands of the Quidditch Pitch. On the horizon, a fork of lightning cuts through the clouds.

Invigorated by the weather-driven time crunch, the teams fly more furiously. The seekers weave loops across the field, desperate to find the ticket to winning the game quickly and going inside before they’re all soaked. 

“Watch out!” Jamie yells, jerking her broom to a stop. She points to her own seeker, bent over his broom and stretching his arm as far as it will go. The Hufflepuff seeker tries to turn, but a whizzing bludger that narrowly misses her head makes her draw back, losing precious seconds. The distance between a small glimmer of gold and the Gryffindor seeker’s outstretched hand shrinks as the sky starts to drop rain.

Lily is out of her seat and screaming along with the other side of the stands before she’s fully aware of what she’s doing.

Immediately, Cornelia pulls sharply on her robe to force her back into her seat. “What are you doing?” she hisses, darting a quick glance at Avery.

Lily blinks. “It was an exciting play,” she offers as explanation.

“For _Gryffindor_.”

“It’s Quidditch, Burke,” Lily says over her stuttering heart. Her eyes still haven’t left the pitch. “They aren’t even playing us. It isn’t a big deal.”

“Evans, it’s -”

“Shouldn’t we get inside?” Lily says, attempting to change the subject entirely. She shakes off Cornelia’s hand and tucks the ends of her hair into her robes. Her hands are about to shake, but she moves slowly to stop them. “It’s already started to rain, and I can’t stand wet socks.”

Cornelia looks at her in shock for a beat before dropping her arm and scoffing. “Evans is right. Let’s go in before this mess completely ruins my hair.” She grabs Avery’s hand and tugs him after her, causing Mulciber and Severus to follow.

The rain provides a perfect opportunity, so she takes it. Pulling her hood over her head, Lily slips away from her housemates to blend in with the crowd. She drifts among the other students until she’s by the entrance to the pitch. 

The Hufflepuff team stays by the sidelines only long enough to shake hands and duck into their dry locker room. The Gryffindors, on the other hand, shake out their hair and tilt their heads back, not letting the rain dampen their spirits. If anything, it fuels them. 

Without questioning herself, Lily jogs over to the assembled players and fans. Everyone is chattering happily, so it isn’t difficult to find a place in the crowd. She passes through easily since not that many people want to break their victorious mood by talking to someone wearing green.

When she reaches her destination, Lily taps Jamie on the shoulder to get her attention, pulse thudding in her ears. “Good game,” she offers when the other girl turns. Lily hugs her arms around her middle in an attempt to stay warm. “Hope you don’t mind that I stopped by.”

Jamie grins and scrubs a hand through her hair, still bright after a victory. “Of course not.” Jamie shifts her weight between her feet, some of her swagger from the win retreating. “Actually, Evans, I wanted to talk to you. To know if you wanted to, er…” Absentmindedly, she twirls some hair around her finger. “Sirius is going to sneak some booze in for a party in our common room. To celebrate. If you wanted, I mean, you could come, maybe?”

Gryffindor courage must be contagious. Lily seems to have caught some of it, causing her to leave her housemates and side of the stands in the first place. One of their Quidditch victories must throw it into the air, because the courage even burns in the stomach of a member of Salazar’s house.

It peaks again at Jamie’s invitation. Lily’s heart speeds up, but she forces her voice to sound natural. “Yeah,” she says. “I think I’d like to go.”

“Brilliant,” Jamie answers, the grin back on her face. “The password’s ‘unicorn.’”

\--

Lily never has many reasons to stress over what to wear to an event. Unlike the girls who share her dormitory, she wasn't raised on a parade of teas and social galas. Her childhood was spent in overalls and shorts under her dresses because she liked jumping from the highest arc of the swing so much.

When she became old enough to care about what people thought of her outfits, most of her time was spent in uniforms that were just tidy enough to look like she put some effort into them. Weekends would be for jeans and sweaters, muggle clothes bought by her mother, but her housemates didn't always approve of that.

Instead, she can often default to what is easy to wear. Uniform for school, robes for most other days, and anything she owns in rich emerald for a Quidditch match. She has a few sweaters and dresses usually folded in the bottom of her trunk, and that's what now covers her bed and portion of the dormitory. She's gone through nearly every piece of clothing in her trunk looking for the perfect thing to wear to the Gryffindor party.

Nothing she owns is right for this occasion.

Not that this is an occasion, really. It's a party, where most of the attendees will be thinking more about what they will drink than what they will wear. No one is going to care what she's wearing or what she does with her hair or…

Lily turns in front of the mirror, scrutinizing the dress she hasn't worn for months from every angle. She faces the cursed surface again, leaning forward to investigate the spot on her chin that she's sure wasn't there a few minutes ago.

There's nothing for it. Every second in front of the mirror is making her feel worse. She needs to go before Jamie does something stupid, like thinking she doesn't want to be there.

It's the one place she does want to be tonight.

She doesn't make it far into the common room before Cornelia calls to her. She sits by the fire, Avery's head in her lap while she brushes his hair across his forehead absently. "Where are you headed?" The question and her head tilt are innocent enough, but everything is a game to Cornelia. Lily can't let her control all the moves.

"Meeting up with some friends."

"Gryffindors again?" Avery asks, scowling.

Lily shrugs, feigning indifference. "Might be a few there."

Cornelia studies her. She blinks slowly, like she's taking pictures in her mind to store and look back on with fresh eyes. "Don't stay out too late," she says finally, resuming her stroking of Avery's hair. "We can't lose points and let those Gryffindors win."

"Of course not," Lily answers, waving away the concern. She turns to the exit and doesn't hesitate.

Surprisingly, she makes it across the castle and into Gryffindor tower without any interruptions. She doesn't even have to dodge Peeves or make up an excuse to another housemate. Soon enough, Lily approaches a portrait of a woman in a pink dress who serves as the guard of the Gryffindor common room.

"Unicorn."

The lady looks up from her wine glass and slowly looks at Lily over her frame from head to toe. "You're new," she notes, though she swings forward to grant Lily passage.

Lily steps into the common room, glad that she abandoned robes and has one less thing to potentially trip over in her path. It's just what she hoped for - punch bowls and bottles on the table, armchairs with people slung casually over them, and a pleasant hum of a variety of conversation. The sounds of dozens of people talking and having fun instead of the quiet judgement she left in her own common room.

Slipping into the crowd, Lily is happy to blend in for the moment. She ladles a healthy dose of punch into an empty cup and takes a long drink, only slightly wincing at the alcohol that is barely cut with fruity flavor. The warmth from the drink starts at her chest and spreads out, inviting her to take another drink.

They believe in strong drinks in Gryffindor.

She finishes the cup in a few swallows, helping herself to more. The point is to have fun, Lily tells herself, so a few drinks before she tries to talk to anyone else can't hurt.

"Evans!"

Lily lowers her cup and looks toward the boy calling her name from across the room, proud of herself for not making a face when the faint buzz goes straight to her head. It's not enough to actually be tipsy, but she can chase the imitation of that feeling for now.

"Sirius!" she answers enthusiastically. His name softened by the drink and her desire to give herself fully to this night.

Sirius, clearly, has had a few drinks of his own. More than she has, Lily is sure, since he looks less stable than she can even pretend to feel. He waves to a few people as he walks toward her but doesn't deviate from his mission.

"You came!" he announces, tapping the side of his cup against hers and taking a long drink. Lily copies him. "Did Prongs finally suck it up and invite you?"

"After the game, she asked if I wanted to come. It sounded fun, so..." Lily spreads her arms wide, gesturing to the party happening around them. "Here I am!"

"Here you are," Sirius says, grinning and taking another drink. "Bet Prongs is happy."

"Jamie? I dunno. I haven't found her yet." Lily shrugs like Potter's absence doesn't matter to her. "I guess she offered so I could have a good time."

He snorts into his cup. "That's all."

Lily shrugs, wondering if the alcohol that makes her feel fuzzy and light is making her miss something in Sirius' words. "What d'you mean?"

"You're even denser than Prongs. She invited you because she likes you, Evans."

"I guess we're friends," Lily answers, brows knitting together as she pushes her hair out of her face. "It's been nice spending a little time with you lot, anyway. Even if you," she pauses to poke his chest a little forcefully, "hate me because I'm a Slytherin."

"I don't hate you, Evans," Sirius admits, shaking his head. Perhaps the booze makes him less guarded, but Lily will take a win where she can get one. "Just think you're a bit of an idiot. Prongs wanted you here because she fancies you, Evans."

"You're ridiculous," Lily answers automatically, cheeks warming without permission. She hides behind her cup. "Aren't you two…?"

Sirius looks incredulously at her. Slowly, the muscles in his face relax and then he actually laughs, a bark-like sound that is loud enough to catch the attention of a few people.

"You don't actually believe that nonsense, do you?" He waves the onlookers away and swipes a hand across his face. "I thought you were smarter than that, Evans. Prongs and I have never… you know. Never. It'd be like snogging my sister."

Her heart skips hopefully, and that's hard to deny - even to herself. Still, Lily tries her best to ignore it.

"Isn't your family into that sort of thing? Snogging cousins?" Lily hopes an attempt at a joke will stop him from noticing the way her hand shakes and her cheeks are probably starting to match her hair. She sits the cup down but doesn't take her hand off of it, seeing if the solid surface will steady her.

"Maybe," he says, smirking like he knows her deepest secrets. He tips back his cup and pauses long enough to make her lean forward to hear. "But there's also the obstacle of her being completely in love with you since fifth year."

All of the chatter around Lily transforms into incomprehensible buzzing.

"What?"

Her brain tells her mouth to say it, but she can't actually hear. She's not sure if she actually managed to say anything at all.

The buzzing drowns out Sirius' response, but his mouth moves in the right shape to confirm what he said.

"You all right?" he asks, breaking through the static and shaking her arm.

Lily nods. She drains the last few swallows in her cup and sets it down. Her mind is still furiously buzzing, but she can't sit in one place while it's all happening. "Where is she?"

Sirius points to one of the staircases toward the back of the common room.

"Thanks," Lily says quietly, steadying herself with a hand on the back of one of the couches while she walks there. It could be the alcohol or the new information, but her knees threaten to buckle beneath her. She doesn't know exactly what she plans to say or do, but she can't continue being a guest - Jamie's guest - without doing something.

Lily climbs the stairs slowly, pausing at each door to read what the little signs say. The world is still tilting underneath her, so she holds onto the railing, but she can tell that Sirius directed her to the girls' side of the dormitory. The signs label which group of girls live behind each door, but she doesn't get that far.

On one of the stairs by the seventh years' door, Jamie sits with a bottle held loosely in one hand, balancing it on her knee. She looks up when a stair creaks under Lily's foot, casting her a lopsided grin. "All right, Evans?"

"Budge over, Potter." Lily stops on the stair that puts them nearly at eye level while Jamie is sitting down. "Room for one more?"

"Of course," Jamie replies, nodding her head and holding her almost empty bottle up in a toast. Lily plucks the bottle from her hand, takes a swing, and gives it back. With a nudge as prompting, Jamie moves over to make room, and Lily sits on the stair above her.

"We missed you down there. Had to figure out where you ran off to."

"No need to worry. I like the view from up here." Lily gives her a skeptical look, since the happy crowd in the common room is hidden by stone walls, so Jamie continues her explanation. "I know you can't see everyone from up here, but can't you hear them? I dunno. It's nice to sit back and know they're all having a good time." Lily can't deny that she looks at ease up here, turning the bottle between her fingers and listening to a satisfied squeal and laughter go through the party downstairs. "I was going to come back down in a minute."

The party noise goes back down to a bustling hum. In the few beats of silence between them - but not downstairs - Lily can see that she has a point. When she pulls herself away from the middle of everything and isn't worried about accidentally spilling firewhiskey or snagging the sleeve of her sweater, she can be content, knowing that other people are having fun too.

"We can stay up here for a bit." Lily catches the ends of Jamie's hair and plays with them, twisting the strands around her finger and letting go to see if the tighter curl will hold. "I wanted to ask you about something."

Jamie glances up at her briefly but looks back at her drink without making a move to stop her. She shifts, giving Lily better access to her hair. "Okay."

Lily divides part of her hair into sections and braids it loosely, like they're two girls at a slumber party. She sweeps some hair, still damp from the shower she must have taken after the match, off her neck and twists it into the messy braid.

"Sirius told me a secret," she admits, pinching the end of the braid before running her fingers through it to take out the plait. "Can you tell me if it's true?"

"Sure," Jamie answers with a hum. Nearly every girl with long hair knows there is something soothing about someone playing with that hair. "What is it?"

"Sirius says you like me."

Despite the consistent noise from downstairs, Lily almost convinces herself that there is actual silence following her words.

Slowly, Jamie tilts her head to the side and turns toward the next highest stair, squinting at Lily like she can't see properly through her glasses. Jamie visibly swallows, but her voice stays steady. "'Course I like you, Evans. I invited you to this party, you know, and -"

"No," Lily interrupts, dropping her hair. She puts a hand on Jamie's arm and leans in, spurred on by a mix of alcohol and her own fluttering heart. "He says you like me like me."

With their faces close together, Jamie laughs a little uneasily. "Are we thirteen again?"

"You aren't answering the question," Lily pouts.

"I…" Jamie's eyes search hers, voice trailing off when her mouth stays open. She stops, locking their gazes, and Lily wonders if Jamie can see her pulse jumping under her jaw. "Yeah. Sirius is right. I do." The confession only sits for a moment before Jamie starts talking again. "But, Lily, it's okay if you don't -"

"Good."

Lily is happy to cut her off, sure that her new smile is cracking her cheeks and making her look strange. Somehow, she doesn't particularly care. That's the nice thing about liquid courage, she decides. The nice thing about a few drinks kicking out the thoughts that run circles inside her head. She doesn't waste time letting Jamie work herself up or think of a hundred ways to hide what she's thinking.

"Good?"

"Good," Lily confirms. "I was thinking about kissing you, but I wanted to know if -"

Jamie cuts her off this time.

Her hand cups Lily's cheek and angles her face to press her lips against hers. For the first time since Lily finished her second drink, the world is steady. Jamie's fingers are warm and gentle against her skin, clearing her head. The kiss is a whispered secret, passed between them and buried in their hearts.

Blinking slowly like she's waking from a dream, Jamie starts to pull away. Lily lifts a hand to her cheek to put over Jamie's and ensure that she doesn't move it away.

The stars have to be obvious in her eyes, and she wants Jamie to pay attention. To know that although she isn't sure about many things - isn't sure if there will be a place for her in the world outside of school, isn't sure if she fits into her house, isn't sure of how much of what the Daily Prophet tells them every morning is lies - but she's sure about this. Sure about kissing Jamie and wanting more.

Lily moves forward to meet her. The hand that innocently played with the ends of Jamie's hair tangles in her messy half-curls, pulling their bodies closer together. Jamie catches on quickly, putting her free hand on the stair beside Lily to lift herself so they more easily meet.

She smiles against her mouth and throws an arm around her shoulders, wanting to know what it feels like at each place where their bodies touch. Jamie moves slowly at first, requesting permission with her hands and tongue that Lily grants without hesitation. She kisses her again and again, feeling more pleasantly happy than any drink could do.

With a content sigh, Lily breaks the kiss, her forehead touching Jamie's. There aren't actual fireworks or a sweeping musical theme like there are in the movies, but she couldn't tell that by Jamie's expression. It takes her a long time to open her eyes, but when she does, a spark goes down Lily's spine.

Jamie moves her thumb from her cheek to trace Lily's lips, both of them taking time to catch their breath and watch each other. "That was…"

"Yeah," Lily whispers, treating the quiet like it's a fragile thing that can break. She runs her fingers through Jamie's hair, letting the strands brush against her palm. "A little fast for a first date, I guess."

"I don't mind," Jamie replies, speaking just as softly.

Jamie's thumb moves to trace the way the corners of Lily's mouth move into another smile. "Neither do I," Lily admits. Reluctantly, she untangles her fingers to smooth a hand over Jamie's hair, trying to tame the damage she created. "Though we should probably get back to your party. Your friends might notice that we're gone."

She lets out an exaggerated groan, like separating is the worst thing that could happen to them, but Jamie smiles through it. "You're probably right." Sitting up, she releases Lily, who sways with the loss of contact. Before Jamie stands, she pauses and leans forward to touch Lily's kiss-swollen lips with a fingertip. "To be continued?"

"To be continued," Lily confirms, slipping Jamie's hand into hers and pulling her to standing. Once they're both up, she lets go of her hand and turns Jamie toward the bottom of the staircase. "Back to your adoring public, you big Quidditch hero."


	3. Transfiguration

In little moments, Lily catches herself. 

Her eyes wander over her morning toast. Without anything in particular demanding her attention, it takes her a little too long to realize where they land. 

She sees Jamie throw her head back, probably at a crack from one of her mates, black curls tumbling over her shoulders. She is seated at the table on the other end of the Great Hall, so Lily knows she can’t actually hear Jamie’s laughter, even though her mind insists that she can. Even without the reference, she can conjure the sound perfectly in her head. 

While Jamie is captivating enough to steal her attention unintentionally, Lily catches another flash out of the corner of her eye. Sirius Black sees through the rows of students between them as easily as she does. His gray eyes meet hers, an all too knowing smirk hitching up the side of his mouth. He joins Jamie with a booming laugh of his own, but Lily suspects this one is at her expense.

With a start, Lily yanks her gaze away from the Gryffindor captain. 

Without Jamie to focus on, Lily instead finds a splotch of raspberry jam on her robes. She lets out a mumbled curse, dropping her toast and scrubbing the offending spot with a cloth napkin. It does little more than spread the stain to the napkin too, but it’s better than continuing to meet Sirius’ knowing gaze.

“Morning,” Severus says, sitting beside her on the bench. He doesn’t turn toward the table, so she assumes he’s already finished breakfast. “It’s the last day to say if we’re staying for the holidays. We’re going back, aren’t we?”

Neither of them have called Cokeworth _home_ in a long time.

“Yeah,” she answers. “I thought so.” 

Honestly, she hasn’t given it any particular thought this year, but they have never stayed at school. Until Severus asked, she only sort of remembered that she has to pack at some point. Cokeworth isn’t really home anymore, but she isn’t quite ready to admit that these will probably be the last weeks she spends there. 

While each day is filled to the brim with as much as the professors can give them, the weeks are whipping by like torn calendar pages. It’s her last year at Hogwarts, and there’s so much she wants to do. It’s all falling away before she can catch it.

Lily throws down the napkin on her half-eaten plate. Her robes are dark - even if they’re a little faded from being secondhand - so the worst of it should be hidden. 

Severus gives her a small smile, and she swears that his whole posture relaxes. He sits a little straighter, correcting the slump that’s progressed over the last few months. He puts an elbow on the table behind him, stretching his legs out in front of him. Lily pushes the butter dish out of the way just in time. 

“Good,” he says. “We hadn’t talked about it, so I wanted to check. I didn’t know if you…”

She doesn’t interrupt, so the sentence trails without a resolution. It hangs for a few seconds before Lily says, “If I…?”

“Had other plans,” Severus replies. He maintains his pose, but his eyes slip past her. 

“Should I?”

“No,” he says. “But I haven’t seen as much of you.”

She bristles, sitting up straighter and ready to go on the defense. They’re always like this these days. One off remark and -

“Good morning, Evans. Good morning, Snape,” Cornelia says. 

She fits between Severus and Lily on the bench in a place that previously didn’t exist. Her robe falls off her shoulder, and Cornelia shrugs to save it. In the second delay, Lily catches the flash of a dark spot on her otherwise porcelain neck. Cornelia covers it before she can confirm, but Lily’s eyes widen at the realization. 

Severus’ eyes meet hers over Cornelia’s head in mutual understanding. Lily nearly giggles. They’re clearly thinking the same things that can’t be said. 

Perhaps a little time away from the castle and in a place that’s theirs is exactly what they need.

“Morning, Burke,” she says. Lily is proud of herself for keeping her voice mostly steady. 

Severus raises his eyebrows at her, which suggests that some amount of mirth made its way into her tone. Cornelia, though, appears to be distracted enough by her morning tea. It makes Lily confident that she hasn’t completely given them away. 

“We should get to class,” Severus says. For a second, they’re eleven again. Times are simpler, things make sense, and they understand each other without saying everything out loud. “Evans and I have Transfiguration.”

Cornelia nods and puts a hand over her mouth since she’s chewing. 

Lily knows an escape when she sees one, so she grabs her bag. She’s out of the Great Hall and partway down the corridor with Severus on her heels before she lets out the laugh she’s been holding. 

“That’s why she didn’t come back to the dormitory last night,” Lily says, laughing again. “I didn’t know they were so serious. Was she in your dorm?”

“If she was, I didn’t see her,” Severus answers. He isn’t outright laughing, but she can see the hint of his amusement in his eyes. “Though Avery was pretty quiet last night.”

This starts another fit of giggles that is hard to control. Severus matches them with a smile of his own, even if it’s slower than hers to begin. 

The closed door of the Transfiguration room indicates that they are a little early for the start of class. Lily comes to a halt and leans back at the stone wall. 

“Do you think there will be an engagement party over the break? We’ll be in Cokeworth, so we can miss it, thankfully. Maybe she’ll come back with a new ring on her finger to save her family the shame of a mark on her neck.” She rolls her eyes to show him exactly what she thinks of those kinds of values.

Honestly, if Cornelia wants to snog Avery, even though he is a prick, she has every right.

“Maybe,” he answers a little stiffly. “They both know what they’re getting into, though. She can’t be that surprised if her parents -”

“Tell her what to do with her life?” Lily interrupts with a note of disbelief. “She’s seventeen, Sev. She shouldn’t have her whole future planned for her because she let someone kiss her.”

“She’s not stupid. She knows what they expect and what they’ll think if they find out.”

“I guess,” Lily says, “but that doesn’t make it right. We’re all teenagers. Isn’t this the time we’re supposed to do stuff like that? Make mistakes and figure out what we want?”

“We’re not -” Severus is a little flushed when he stammers, “Are you…?”

“That’s not what we’re talking about,” Lily answers, her cheeks also warming. She’s conscious of the way more people have joined them in the corridor outside Professor McGonagall’s classroom. “I think people should be able to choose for themselves. Let them have fun.”

“I didn’t think you would -”

The door opens. It’s quite possible that she’s never been so thankful for a class to begin in her life. Lily takes the chance to dart into the classroom and find her regular seat. 

She sits toward the front of the class, opting for the second row. It’s close enough that she doesn’t get caught up in the distracting chatter from the back of the room - though that reduced as they moved to O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. levels - without thrusting her into the first row. 

Severus sits beside her at the double table. The color is still high on his cheeks, but maybe he’s also glad for an excuse to avoid the conversation. They’ve been friends for years, though Lily can’t imagine gossiping with him or talking about crushes the way girls do in the muggle magazines that Petunia likes so much.

The rest of the class filters in with students chatting in pairs or small groups. By seventh year, the class sizes are smaller, but a fair number of their classmates have stuck with Professor McGonagall. 

Lily busies herself by getting out her parchment, quill, and ink while Severus does the same beside her. The silence is heavy between them, but she doesn’t know the right thing to snap it. Talking about kissing with him at all is fraught, and if she lets anything about her own activities slip and how they involve a certain Gryffindor...

“Evans,” Sirius says, tapping her table as he passes, “we haven’t seen you in awhile.”

Instead of continuing as he usually does to his spot in the back row, Sirius turns in place and dumps his bag on the table behind her. Jamie, who comes in behind him, isn’t expecting this either, judging by the way she nearly crashes into Sirius. Remus tugs her backward by the arm in time, and Jamie catches herself on the edge of the table.

“Padfoot, what are you -?”

“I can’t see from the back, Prongs,” Sirius says, falling into the chair directly behind Lily like he’s meant to be there. “Besides, I have to remind Minnie what she’ll be missing over break.”

“I thought you said you didn’t need to study,” Remus says. 

“Maybe this is for your own good, Moony,” Sirius answers. Two jolts to her chair tell Lily that he has propped his feet on her seat to lean back in his. “But I didn’t want to embarass you in front of Evans and Snivellus.”

Severus’ back goes rigid beside her, but she nudges his arm with her elbow. Getting a rise out of either of them - especially Severus - is exactly what Black wants. The two of them - her and Black - may be starting to get along, but she doesn’t trust him with this quite yet. 

“Shove it,” Remus says, though he puts his own things at the table beside Sirius. 

“Miss Potter,” Professor McGonagall scolds, “please take your seat.”

Since she’s close enough, Lily can hear Jamie’s soft exhale before she says, “Yes, Professor.” 

Jamie grips a chair behind Lily and drags it on the floor before she sits at the table with Sirius. She whispers something to Sirius, clearly annoyed, but it’s too muffled for Lily to make out any of the words other than an insult. 

Lily is highly aware of the way Jamie moves, even though she doesn’t turn to see her. She keeps her eyes determinedly forward, sure that Severus can practically read her mind.

Stubbornly, she thinks of anything else.

She follows the wand movements that Professor McGonagall is demonstrating instead of thinking about the way Jamie’s fingers pressed against her skin. She forces herself to take extensive notes with careful penmanship since she’s positive that she won’t remember any of this lesson without them. 

Jamie has sat with her in class hundreds of times. They’ve even been in the same room since the night of the Gryffindor party. Still, she’s never been quite so aware of her.

This is Sirius Black’s fault.

Transfiguration has always been a little of a sticking point for Lily, but she’s thankful for it today. It means that she can’t chance a glance behind her when McGonagall gives them an assignment to practice. With her mind already wanting to scatter, it takes all of her attention to stay focused on the task.

She’s supposed to be changing the color of the lizard given to her. The animal, however, keeps trying to make an escape. “Stay,” she whispers, trying to block it from running off the table. “Please,” Lily adds. She puts a finger on the lizard’s tail to stop it from skittering across the tabletop. 

Severus pokes his lizard with the end of his wand. Rather than trying to run away, it curls around the end like it thinks this is part of a new game. Severus pulls his wand away, and the lizard flops onto its side at the loss.

The task is a non-verbal transfiguration. Severus pauses, probably rehearsing the pronunciation in his head, before he flicks his wrist. Immediately, the lizard changes from dull green to a startling shade of red. It doesn’t appear to be bothered, flicking its tail back and forth lazily.

“Well done,” Lily says. She puts a palm on her lizard’s tail to keep it in place. Lily’s leg shakes under the table while she practices the spell hurriedly a few times under her breath before making her first attempt.

The lizard blinks. 

From beside her, Severus tilts his head slightly. “I think it’s a bit brighter,” he says generously.

“It is not,” she replies, a little testy. 

She moves her wand again. This time, she only succeeds in poking the lizard. It rolls onto its side, clearly trying another tactic to get away from her. When its tail slips from her grasp, it takes the opportunity to escape, darting away and crawling down the leg of the table before she gets a chance to recapture it.

“Oh, bugger,” she mumbles. 

“What is it?” Severus asks, but Lily ducks under the table without an answer. 

She surveys the floor for any sign of her assigned animal. This is another in the dozens of reasons why she dropped Care of Magical Creatures when she could. Lily looks under their table and especially around the legs. Right when she’s about to give up, she manages to see movement out of the corner of her eye. She turns on her hands and knees to crawl after the runaway. 

The lizard stops to size up a bag near another chair leg. Lily makes a grab for the lizard’s tail, but it slips away before her fingers close around it.

She mutters another muffled curse when she bangs her knee against the floor.

Deciding that the bag might not make the best home, the lizard makes a dash across the stone floor. It shouldn’t be able to move that quickly. Lily nearly dives after it.

Instead of catching the lizard, her hand closes on dark fabric. In an instant, she realizes that she’s somehow caught another student’s robes. “Sorry,” Lily says. “My lizard ran off, and I…” She looks up to see Sirius, who is also crawling under the tables with her. 

Hastily, Lily lets go of his robes. 

“This one?” Sirius asks. He lifts his arm to reveal that he’s holding a lizard by the tail between two fingers. “Prongs saw it running under my seat, so I tried to grab it. Thought someone might be missing one.”

“Good reflexes.”

A beat passes between them. “This is the part where you say ‘thank you,’ Evans,” Sirius says, his mouth curving into the suggestion of a smirk.

“Thanks, Black,” Lily says, clearing her throat. “I can take it.” She puts out a hand for the lizard and moves to her knees.

The start of his grin falls. “Careful, Evans -”

Her head hits the table over them before she can mind his warning. With a sharp intake of breath, she puts her hand over the bump likely growing there. “I’m okay,” she assures before actually taking stock of herself.

“Really?”

Other than her wounded pride and a probable bruise on her head, she is. “Yes. I’m fine.” Lily holds out her hand for the still-green reptile. “Thanks again. I have to finish my assignment, obviously, and you have to get back to yours.”

“I already transfigured it,” Sirius says with a shrug. 

Of course he has.

Sirius tilts his head to the side like he’s appraising Lily. “You’re really all right?”

“I’ll be fine.” Lily cups the lizard with both hands. Sirius gives it up and rises from the floor. This time, Lily is more careful about not hitting her head on anything. 

When she returns to her seat, Severus’ lizard is blue and Lily’s cheeks are a faded pink. She places her lizard on the tabletop and flicks her wand before she can think about it too much. 

Thankfully, the lizard turns a brilliant fuchsia.

“Excellent, Miss Evans and Mister Snape,” Professor McGonagall says, sweeping both of their lizards into a box. “Read the next two chapters, practice your wand work, and enjoy your holiday.”

“You too, Professor. Happy Christmas.” Lily sweeps her things into her bag and puts the strap on her shoulder. Her next hour is a free one, so getting out of class a few minutes early is a gift. 

The rest of the class follows her out of the room. Every session that is closer to their couple of weeks without classes makes everyone more restless.

Lily shrugs the bag more securely onto her shoulder. “Have you started packing?”

“No,” Severus says, “but it shouldn’t take long. I’ll be ready for the train on Saturday.”

She nods as they start following their usual path. They’ll go to the staircase in the Entrance Hall for an easy way down to the dungeon and their house’s common room. In the next hour, she might be able to finish her Charms essay that was assigned yesterday so it doesn’t have to come back to Cokeworth with her.

Other students are chatting, possibly about their plans for the two free weeks. Someone laughs behind her, but Lily doesn’t pay them any mind. She’s attempting to turn the thoughts in her head into something she can say out loud.

Behind her, someone raises their voice enough for her to catch it.

“Speaking of,” Sirius drawls. In a hurried scuffle of feet, Sirius steps in front of them. Lily stops to avoid running into him, and Severus scowls. Sirius puts his arms out in a wide gesture. “Evans! Just the person I wanted to see.”

“What is it, Black?” Lily crosses her arms, but her tone isn’t completely uninviting. 

A vow has started within her. She isn’t going to hide from Severus. If they’re truly friends like they say they are, he can stand for her having her own friends. Maybe that’s not what she and Sirius are yet, but she shouldn’t have to prohibit it for Severus’ sake. He’s clearly not bothered by her disapproval of the company he keeps. 

Black’s loyalties are obvious. He’s usually on the side of trouble, but he’s always on the side of Jamie Potter. He has a plan, and Lily is determined to find what it is. The glint in his eyes is like the one from the party, so she knows she can’t fully trust it. 

Sirius shrugs easily. “Can we talk?”

Beside her, Severus is obviously tense. She can almost feel the energy radiating off him. “Back off, Black,” he mutters. Severus’ hand is shoved into his pocket, and Lily is sure that he’s ready to come back with a curse. 

Lily briefly puts a hand on his arm. “I’ll take care of it,” she says. Lily rolls her eyes for Severus’ benefit. “See you back in the common room, Sev.”

A few emotions war across his face before he forces his expression into cool indifference. “Fine. I’ll see you later.”

Sirius starts, but Lily puts her hand out to stop him. She waits until Severus goes around the corner before lowering it. “What was that about?” she says, turning on him. “Neither of you know when to stop.”

“I didn’t know Snivellus thought he could control who talks to you, Evans.”

“He does not,” she answers. “But you don’t help.”

“Eh.” Sirius shrugs again. “Good riddance.”

“What did you want, Sirius?”

He lights up like she’s said something to make his entire day. “Haven’t seen you much since the party. You mysteriously vanish up the stairs and never tell me what happened? Never come by to let me know if our friendship is stronger than firewhiskey? You hurt me, Evans.”

Something tells her that he knows a decent amount about what happened on the staircase. Even though Severus and Lily aren’t the kind of best friends who whisper about those things, she thinks that Potter and Black might be. 

“I’ve been busy,” she says. “Rounds and schoolwork and - Where is Potter, anyway?”

“Who said anything about Prongs?” Sirius’ grin widens.

“She’s always with you. We never see one without the other.” Lily offers it as an excuse. “And we all came from the same class.”

“I’m not good enough for you on my own?” Sirius puts a hand over his heart and makes a mournful face. It brightens quickly into his usual air of over-confidence. “I’ll have to let Prongs know. She’ll be thrilled.”

“I had a good time at the party,” Lily says. If she doesn’t think about being embarrassed, maybe it won’t show. “I'll find another time to hang around with you lot once we’re back from holiday.”

“But, Evans,” Sirius answers, “there’s still time.”

She hasn’t realized that they started walking the other way in the corridor until it’s too late. With the creak of hinges and a well-timed nudge on her back, Lily nearly trips over her own feet.

Luckily, another set of hands catches her. The fingers wrap around her forearms to keep her steady as a door shuts behind her and the latch turns. In the limited light from the closing door, Lily catches the glare of lenses and tanned skin. 

Quickly, Jamie lets go of her, moving past her to pound a fist on their side of the door.

“Padfoot! What are you -”

Sirius raps his knuckles on the door lightly in response. Lily hears him laugh. It fades down the corridor with him, letting them know that they’re alone. 

This, too, is Sirius Black’s fault.

“Damn it. I can’t -” Jamie lets out a frustrated huff and rattles the knob. “I swear I didn’t put him up to this,” Jamie says, turning away from the door. Her elbow knocks into Lily’s shoulder as she tangles her fingers into her hair in frustration. “He took my wand, but if you have yours, maybe you can get us out. I didn’t tell him to -”

Lily moves slowly to pull out her wand. It sounds like Jamie holds her breath before Lily quietly says, “ _Lumos_.” 

The pale light reveals Jamie’s stricken face. Based on a quick glance of the small space, their setting is a crowded cupboard. It’s filled with brooms, mops, and turned over buckets. Lily doesn’t have much room to move, judging by the rattle she hears almost every time she tries.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie says. She leans back as much as she can in the contained space, her back pressed against the door. “Once Sirius gets an idea, he can’t help himself.”

“It’s all right,” Lily says, lowering her wand. The light casts new shadows across Jamie’s face. She can see her chest rising and falling. 

“Do you want to try the lock?” Jamie asks after a moment.

“No,” Lily admits. The darkness and proximity make her bolder. “I’ve wanted to talk to you since… you know. I didn’t know how, but now we’re…” Her wand wavers a bit, making a shadow slant across Jamie’s cheek. “If you want to leave, I can -”

“No,” Jamie says with some force. “I don’t want to leave.”

Lily’s responding laugh is breathy. “Me neither,” she says, dropping her bag beside her with a dull thump. In an instant, the cupboard isn’t quite as small as she thought. “We did say ‘to be continued.’”

She isn’t sure who reaches for the other first. Her glowing wand tip doesn’t help when she lets it clatter to the floor. The light bounces across the wall, but the darkness doesn’t stop them. Their lips find each other. They find each other. Like before, they know what to do without thinking. 

Lily’s palm curves over Jamie’s cheek while Jamie’s hand finds a place at her waist. Her hand is under Lily’s robes and over her jumper, but Lily swears that sparks come from the spot. Their kisses are light at first. Jamie’s lips move slowly, giving Lily time to memorize what they feel like against hers. With anyone else, they might be almost tentative. With Jamie, though, they aren’t unsure or reluctant. It’s as if they’re reminding themselves where they left off on the Gryffindor stairs. 

The pleasant swirl in her mind that wipes away any of her worries makes her remember quickly. She wanted to kiss this girl. She wants to kiss this girl. She _did_ kiss this girl.

It’s hard to think about anything else when she’s kissing her again.

Jamie moves her hand to the small of Lily’s back smoothly, bringing them closer. Her fingers slide between shirt and sweater. They’re teasingly close to her skin and warm through the fabric without actually touching. 

In her haste to kiss Jamie, Lily knocks over a broom or mop handle. It falls behind her, but neither of them flinch. 

When Jamie leans back against the door this time, Lily goes with her. She throws an arm over Jamie’s shoulder and reaches up to twist her fingers into her hair like she always wants. She hooks her foot around Jamie’s ankle and thinks that she might collapse if Jamie wasn’t holding onto her. 

Something tells her that Jamie won’t let go.

As her fingers find the hem of Lily’s jumper, Jamie’s kisses get a little more demanding. If the tug on her curls isn’t enough to let her know, Lily makes a soft noise into her mouth and nods to grant permission. Jamie’s fingers move past her untucked shirt and alight a new set of nerves when they meet skin. 

Without pause, Lily starts a row of kisses at the corner of Jamie’s mouth that make a slow trail down her jaw. Jamie’s head falls back against the door. Lily grins at her own power. 

Jamie, though, has her own kind of power in this. Lily is highly aware that at any moment, the tables can turn. Slowly, Jamie’s fingers move under her shirt and up Lily’s back. She takes her time, tracing each knob of her spine as she goes. 

Lily’s sigh accompanies the suggestion of a shiver. 

Her victorious grin is almost audible when Jamie lifts her head and captures Lily’s lips with her own once again. Although Lily likes a measure of control in nearly every other situation, she can’t complain when Jamie is kissing her like this. Jamie knows how to ensure that the kiss hums all the way down to her toes.

In all of this, fingers are still moving along her back. They stop when they reach the band of her bra. Jamie’s kiss hesitates too as her fingers slip under the band and go no further. 

As encouragement, Lily’s hips move once against Jamie.

“Lily.” Jamie pulls away, only slightly, but they’re still close enough that their lips brush when she talks. Her voice is no more than a whisper. Jamie’s fingers curl, her nails scratching Lily’s back gently. “That’s not fair.”

“Yes,” Lily replies. Their breathing mixes, and it’s the only thing she can hear over her pounding pulse for a long moment. “I want you to…”

Words fail her, but Jamie catches the band between two fingers. Lily nods again, more emphatically, and resists the urge to press their hips together another time. 

Their chests rise together slowly. When Jamie exhales, it’s a little shaky. “Okay.”

Jamie bumps their noses together briefly and then kisses her again, hard. Lily’s head swims, but she doesn’t want it to stop. The world is lips on hers and the sharp scent of peppermint and Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. 

One hand closes over Lily’s hip, doing its best to ground her. Lily wants her fingers there too, but she isn’t willing to break their kiss to tell her so quite yet. Jamie’s other hand moves to undo the clasp on her back, making Lily feel like she’s floating. 

She wants Jamie’s fingers everywhere.

Her palm spreads across Lily’s back. The kiss changes again so it’s a series of shallow, open-mouthed kisses that start charting a course for her neck. Jamie’s back may be against the door, but she holds Lily in her hands. It makes Lily dizzy, ecstatic, and a little desperate. 

“Jamie,” she says. She grinds their hips together to make up for the fact that she’s practically whining. “Please.”

Her fingers start to move. They wrap around her side, taking their time and making Lily’s nerves fire rapidly. Her thumb moves in a slow circle when she gets closer. Lily considers that she might need to beg before Jamie touches her the way she wants. Jamie’s lips crash against hers, and maybe this means she’s as needy as Lily feels. 

Among the pleasant and infuriating fog that is Jamie Potter, sounds of the world outside the cupboard come through the door. A few dozen pairs of feet and the shuffling that comes along with them. Teenagers calling to one another and someone laughing as they pass by the forgotten door.

As soon as Lily notices it, Jamie freezes like reality hits her at the same time. She doesn’t move her hand, but they do break their kiss. 

Lily doesn’t know what to say. Her eyes dart over Jamie’s face. She wants to remember the red of Jamie’s lips and the way she knows they’ve been kissed. Jamie’s gaze goes from her eyes to her mouth to her green and silver tie. It rests there for a beat and comes back to meet her gaze. 

With a sigh, Jamie presses her forehead against Lily’s. They’re both breathing heavily and need a moment for the world around them to become real again.

“Class,” Lily says finally. “We have to…”

“I know,” Jamie answers, her voice a little rough. 

Lily touches the wrist by her hip and circles it with her fingers. “I want…” she starts and closes her eyes. “To be continued. Again.”

Jamie nods, her hand moving out from under Lily’s shirt. For a moment, both of her hands are on Lily’s hips. “All right, Evans.”

Piece by piece, they detangle themselves.

Lily puts her foot back on the ground. Jamie pushes off the door so they’re both standing. Lily fastens the hooks of her bra while Jamie straightens her own clothes and glasses. Lily bends to fetch her school bag and wand, the tip still alight.

Selfishly, she takes a long look at Jamie before muttering, “ _Nox_.”


	4. Winter Break

The last few days of classes are a blur of last minute essay writing and scribbling notes about assigned chapters. Before she realizes it, it’s almost time for the train to leave. Her trunk is nearly packed, but at the last minute, she still has to bustle around the dormitory to collect the last of her things.

Most of Slytherin house is going home for the holidays. While she doesn’t have the same list of social engagements as the majority of them, Lily is glad for a break from classes. It’s also, thankfully, a break from the outside tension that makes itself known despite the old castle walls. 

No matter what she needs a break from or where she feels like she belongs, though, Lily is going back to the muggle world for a fortnight. 

On the platform, students load the train in only slightly organized chaos. She can barely keep track of her own group, so she doesn’t have the chance to catch a glimpse of dark hair and dangerous eyes. Lily lets her other housemates pile into their selected compartment before going in herself and stowing away her trunk.

Mulciber and Severus have been in their own conversation since they left their dormitory. Cornelia and Avery have also clung closely together since they left the common room. 

Honestly, Lily doesn’t mind keeping to herself for now within their bubble. In a few hours, Severus will be more like the friend she remembers, anyway. He’s always better when they’re on their own, when Avery and Mulciber aren’t around.

The boys sit by the window and Cornelia sits across from her. Immediately, Cornelia stretches across the seat to put her head on Avery’s shoulder. He shifts, a hand going to her waist.

Lily settles into her seat. This is as good of a time as any to read the paper she only pocketed that morning. She purposely opens it to skip the front page. She needs something a little lighter than what she expects to find there to begin the trip back to London. 

Partway through the journey, a wide turn makes the compartment door slide open. 

“What’s that?” Cornelia asks, turning away from Avery. Over her shoulder, he looks annoyed. He puts a hand on her chin and turns her back to him, whispering something that Lily is glad she doesn’t overhear.

“I’ve got it,” Lily says. She folds the paper to hide the main headline and pulls the door shut with a clatter. When she sits back down, she notices a scrap of parchment by her trainer.

Instinctively, without even knowing what it is, she puts her foot over it. Bending, she pretends to check her laces but sweeps it into her hand. She’s almost certain that it wasn’t there before the door opened.

_Evans,_ the note says, confirming her theory, _Prefect compartment?_

Lily crumbles the note in her fist and shoves it in her pocket. She casts a glance to the other side of the compartment. In a brilliant stroke of luck, no one looks like they’ll miss her.

“I want to check something before we arrive,” Lily says, standing. “I’ll come back for my trunk and meet you on the platform, Severus.”

He studies her for a moment, but she leaves before he can ask any questions. 

The corridors are mostly clear. By this point, people have found a place to sit and wait for London to come into view. The Head Girl badge pinned on her chest - in case she needs to exert her influence one more time before the holiday - gives her something of a shield if anyone does question why she needs to go to the prefect compartment when there isn’t a meeting. 

Lily wonders what excuse her note writer used.

When she slides the door open and then quietly shuts it behind her, Lily turns to see that Jamie is already there. She, like Lily, has abandoned her school robes for the kind of clothes that will fit in at King’s Cross Station. 

Jamie is smiling, though it’s a little shy, and her hand jumps to her hair.

Lily’s heart does a nervous pitter-patter. 

“You got my note.”

“I did,” Lily says. “Are you bewitching compartment doors now?”

“Only this one,” Jamie replies, taking a step closer and reaching past Lily to turn the lock. “But I don’t think I need magic.”

When they kiss this time, their teeth click together a little uncomfortably. 

They giggle, in spite of themselves, and try again. Both of them tilt their heads to the side. Somehow, they’ve managed to pick the same direction, which makes them stop short before they can properly kiss. 

Lily laughs again, a little more forced than before, and reaches up to trace Jamie’s cheek with her finger. “Stay there,” she says quietly.

Jamie closes her eyes.

Slowly, Lily inclines her head, closes her eyes, and presses a soft kiss to Jamie’s mouth. Pulling away slightly, she opens her eyes to see Jamie’s reverent expression with her lips still hovering by hers. “Hi,” she says. 

“Hi,” Jamie answers. She opens her eyes now that they’re closer. “I’m glad you could come.”

When she nods, their lips nearly brush. “I wanted to see you before we left.” The hand still by her side itches to touch Jamie. They have a way of always filling their moments together with things other than words.

She doesn’t have to wonder if Jamie wants the same thing as her for long, because Jamie’s hands move to rest on either side of her waist. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

Their intentions align, but the kiss does not. Both of them close the distance at the same time, but Jamie’s mouth lands by the side of her nose. Lily tries to course-correct by lifting her chin, but they knock into each other. Jamie’s glasses snag and slip off the end of her nose. They make a harsh rattle when they hit the ground.

“Sorry!” Lily says quickly, taking a step back. 

“It’s fine,” Jamie replies. “Let me -”

They both bend to retrieve the glasses at the same time. In a moment where things aren’t quite as bad as they could be, they knock shoulders instead of bumping heads. 

“Sorry,” Lily repeats, withdrawing again. 

Now there’s over a foot of space between them, but she remembers the tingle of Jamie’s lips being only an inch from hers.

“It’s fine,” Jamie says patiently, standing and shoving her glasses back up her nose. “C’mere, Evans.”

Lily hesitates, only for the briefest of moments, but then takes a step closer. 

Jamie’s hands find their former place on her waist easily. Lily reaches up to cup Jamie’s face with both hands so there is no room for doubt about where she wants to be. With that silent permission, Jamie’s hands slide down until her fingers find and hook on Lily’s belt loops. She tugs her forward and manages to earn a genuine giggle. 

This time, they know which direction to tilt their heads for their lips to meet. Their kiss is tender at first. It’s going to be the last thing of Hogwarts that Lily remembers until the new year. 

She wants it to be everything.

Lily nips Jamie’s lower lip to try to chase the intensity of the other kisses they have shared. Rather than responding in kind, however, Jamie makes a noise that doesn’t sound entirely pleasant. She draws back.

“Sorry,” Lily says again, wishing she could say anything else. There’s a little break in her voice this time. “I -”

“Lily,” Jamie says with her hand over the side of her lower lip. “It’s fine.” She lowers her hand. That part of her lip is more swollen than the rest, with a dark spot where Lily’s teeth must have hit. Jamie tests it with her tongue but doesn’t wince. There’s a mark, but there doesn’t appear to be any long term damage.

Pressing her hands together, Lily rocks onto the balls of her feet. “I can go,” she says. “I don’t want your mum to worry when she sees you.”

“She won’t. She’ll probably think I got it from something I’m not supposed to do.”

Really, she tells herself, _this_ isn’t what Jamie means. She’s gotten in trouble a thousand different ways. She means any one of them. She means that Jamie’s mum won’t be surprised to see her daughter with some scuffs because she doesn’t bother to keep herself out of mischief. She doesn’t mean that Jamie’s mum or anyone else on the platform will take one look at them and know what has happened.

What _has_ happened? Can it only be a secret?

Is this - whatever this is between them - something they’re not supposed to do?

“It’s all right. We might be close to the station, anyway.”

“Lily,” Jamie says again with a flicker of irritation. She runs her hair through her hair. Part of it sticks up, and Lily wants to cross the space between them to smooth it back down. “Can we… try for a better memory before Christmas?”

The weak winter light comes through the train window at the right time. It glows around Jamie’s head. She has a hazy, soft halo around her that makes her look a little less than real.

Nodding, Lily offers her hand. 

Jamie catches her fingers. Lily advances forward a step without being prompted. Jamie offers her other hand, and Lily takes it. Together, their hands fall between them, shrinking the space that separates them but linking them. 

Softly, like there’s a way she might press too hard, Jamie touches her lips to Lily’s forehead. It makes Lily’s pulse jump with an unsteady breath. “I’ll miss you, Evans.”

Quietly, she says, “I’ll miss you too.”

It’s the truth, even if Lily hasn’t really let herself think about it that plainly. Missing Hogwarts isn’t a question. That happens every time she leaves the castle. She knows missing it on a wider scale is approaching, coming sooner with every passing day. By now, she’s used to missing magic and watching Quidditch and laughing with the Ravenclaws by the lake. 

In the past few weeks, though, that list of things to miss has gotten longer. 

She’s going to miss Jamie Potter.

The train whistle blows, shattering the moment and signaling that the station is near.

Lily jumps back. Their eyes lock, both alert to the fact that they’re back in the world they left for a small amount of time. She’s sure that the red spots on the high points of Jamie’s cheeks match hers. 

Self-consciously, she tugs on the hem of her sweater. The memory of Jamie’s fingers in her belt loops, Jamie kissing her forehead, Jamie close enough for them to breathe the same air, is still there, but she shoves it aside. 

“Oh. Well, er, have a happy Christmas, Potter,” she says. She yanks the compartment door open and goes out into the corridor. Lily tucks her hair behind her ear, like that will settle her frazzled state. She has to fetch her trunk and calm herself before facing Severus and her sister. 

“Happy Christmas, Evans,” Jamie says before the compartment door slides completely closed behind Lily. 

\--

When their mother died and could no longer take Lily to the station, Petunia agreed to take on the task. Her agreement, however, was rooted in her refusal to step foot on the hidden space between platforms nine and ten. She wanted to keep her feet firmly planted in the muggle world and away from the land of freaks that Lily longed for each summer. 

In a way, it is a small blessing. Lily has a little more time to wipe away the traces of her secret kisses. Also, she thinks pessimistically, if her sister doesn’t show, no one except Severus will be around to see it.

At least he always takes her side in these battles.

By the time she gets back to the compartment to get her trunk, the other Slytherins have already left. She didn’t know how to say goodbye to them, so it’s something of a relief. She has two weeks to think about where they all stand.

With a few waves, Lily makes her way through the gathering of people on Platform 9 ¾ and to the wall that takes her back to muggle London. Dutifully, Severus is waiting for her. She ducks her head and walks through to the main platforms. On the other side, Lily drags her trunk behind her. Beside her, Severus does the same.

They both scan the crowd for Petunia’s light hair and upturned nose. Severus’ parents haven’t come to the platform for years, so they’re looking for the same ride.

She finally does catch sight of her sister and nearly has to do a double take. This Petunia is standing by the sign for Platform Eight. She’s leaning back against the wall almost casually with her hair soft against her shoulders. Lily is used to seeing Petunia stiff and calculated. This Petunia is actually smiling, something that she hasn’t done around Lily for… Well, she’s not exactly sure how long, and that shows that it truly has been a long time. The overhead lights reveal a playful spark in her blue eyes that Lily remembers from when they were best friends.

The person who is supposed to be her best friend now must notice Lily stop when she sees her. “Oh,” he says, “There she is.”

“Yes,” Lily answers. Her steps speed up toward her sister. If she’s in a good mood, maybe things will be different for these two weeks. Maybe they both needed a few months away to calm the storm of the summer. 

As she’s about to call her name, Petunia shifts to the side. Her smile turns into a laugh, but it isn’t the high one Lily remembers. It’s short and rehearsed. Her movement reveals that she’s not alone. Lily stops abruptly at the sight of a squashed face and infuriating mustache. 

The brief flicker of hope that the view of her sister’s face inspired is extinguished immediately.

“What?” Severus asks, stopping short before he runs into her back. He catches her arm. They steady themselves and right their trunks so they don’t fall.

“Dursley,” Lily says darkly, her eyes fixed on the pair. “Of course she brought him.”

“That’s the muggle she’s -”

“Yes.” Lily jerks her trunk behind her. She doesn’t even correct his term for Vernon Dursley like she normally would. Dursley is one of the most non-magical people she’s ever met, but that isn’t nearly the worst thing about him. “Let’s go.”

They make their way through the organized chaos of a busy train station. The holiday season means that families clump together with parents gripping tightly onto children’s hands. Some business travelers purposely walk by, slicing through the crowd like they’re hardly there. The trains whistle and overhead announcements fade into the white noise of a public space.

“Hello, Petunia,” Lily greets once they make it, stopping in front of her sister. She lets go of her trunk so the bottom makes a loud sound when it hits the floor. There is no gleeful reunion, but she shouldn’t have expected one. “I didn’t know you were bringing anyone with you.”

Petunia breaks off mid-laughter to see her sister. She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Hello, Lily. When Vernon heard that I needed to come all the way to London, he volunteered to drive me.” Petunia holds onto Dursley’s arm and looks up at him with a sickening expression. He practically glows under the ray of her attention. “Isn’t that so thoughtful?”

“Yeah,” Lily says unenthusiastically. “Very thoughtful.”

Petunia’s eyes are cold when they turn to her sister. “Is that a problem, Lily?”

“No.” She shrugs. “I guess I didn’t know you couldn’t drive on your own anymore, Tuney.”

“I certainly can,” Petunia replies sharply, “but I have someone who cares about me, so I don’t need to be alone. Is that so hard for you to imagine?”

Severus scoffs from beside her, which redirects Petunia’s anger. Lily is partially relieved, but a protective instinct also flares in her chest.

Petunia presses her lips together into a straight line and glares at him. “This is the Snape boy I was telling you about, Vernon darling. He’s a friend of Lily’s who also goes to that school I mentioned.” She looks him up and down, logging all of his defects as she does. “He lives down at Spinner’s End.”

“Ah,” Dursley says, also watching Severus with his beady eyes. “I got that new car, darling, so you shouldn’t worry. We’ll have enough room. I can have it cleaned tomorrow.”

Lily grits her teeth against the insult. “Great,” Lily says drily. “Since Petunia knew who she was picking up this whole time. Sorry she didn’t tell you, Dursley.” She pushes out the bottom of her trunk with her foot to roll it back onto its wheels. “Are we going?”

“Lily,” Petunia says, her voice lowering dangerously. “You shouldn’t be so rude. Vernon didn’t need to drive all of this way for you to be so ungrateful.”

“I didn’t ask him to come,” Lily returns. “If you had bothered to ask me, you would know I didn’t want -”

“My parents will be expecting me,” Severus says quietly, effectively cutting her off. “Maybe we should start the drive.”

She looks at him, knowing this is a lie. It will be a surprise if they remember that it’s the day he’s supposed to be coming back for break. Nothing she knows about the Snapes indicates that they’ll be particularly worried if their son shows up a few hours behind schedule.

He’s saying it for her benefit, she realizes. He’s saying it before she can say something she’ll regret in the middle of King’s Cross Station.

She still has plenty she would like to say to her sister, but she tucks it away for now. She grips her trunk handle tightly and takes a steadying breath.

“Well,” Vernon says, uncomfortable with the weighted silence. He looks away from Severus and shares an unsubtle look with Petunia. “Let’s be off, then.”

“Great,” Lily agrees. She shoves past him toward the garage. She’s heard enough monologues about his stupid car to be able to find it anywhere.

For the duration of the ride, Lily sits in stoney silence. She crosses her arms and stares out of the window. Silently, she curses herself. Why did she think, even for a moment, that time at home would be any better? She should have stayed at Hogwarts. It would be better to be on her own than detested in her own home.

The first thing she notices when they pull into the driveway is the red sign in the front lawn.

“You’re selling it?” Lily asks, tone thick with disbelief.

Petunia barely glances over her shoulder. “Of course. Vernon and I will be living together after the wedding,” she says. “We’re not living here.”

“The -” She whips her head toward her sister and away from the window. Petunia’s steely gaze meets hers and tells her not to cause a scene. 

That’s what Petunia is always claiming she does. Lily, who apparently steals attention whenever she can and blows everything up so it’s as dramatic as possible. But it’s Petunia that makes her act that way. 

Lily, who is so dangerous and unreasonable that she’s sent off to a school for special cases. Her parents always wanted to call it a program for gifted students, but she doubts that Petunia maintains that illusion. For her, Lily is a problem that is sent away so she doesn’t have to face it. When Lily isn’t there to defend herself, Vernon can easily believe whatever Petunia says about her.

Now that she’s here, Petunia needs some way to control her. 

Petunia’s gaze tells her that she can’t express the hurt that comes from being told about her sister’s engagement in such a throwaway manner. She has to act like this isn’t news. What kind of sister wouldn’t write about her happy engagement?

“Of course not,” Lily says through partly clenched teeth. “Why would you do that?”

She slams the door a little harder than necessary when she retreats to her bedroom.

Winter break is off to a rough start, and it doesn’t show signs of improvement. That ‘For Sale’ sign, Lily knows, is the only thing stopping Petunia from kicking her out of the house. Lily sees it for what it is - a deadline. The house isn’t going to be here for her at the end of her last term.

She needs to solve that problem herself.

Although they’re staying in the same house, Lily and Petunia don’t cross paths frequently. Most mornings, Lily wakes up early and takes her breakfast to go. She wanders the neighborhood aimlessly, munching on her wrapped bagel as she goes. 

Sometimes, she meets up with Severus. He’s also avoiding his house, so they at least don’t have to roam alone.

As she settles into this routine, Lily gives herself permission to shove off the thoughts about where she’ll be in a few months. The end of school and the _Daily Prophet_ already have her worried about it, so this is another layer. It’s not wholly unexpected. She was going to have to find her own way somehow.

As they tend to do more and more often, Lily’s thoughts wander to Jamie. 

Once the shock value of Vernon Dursley at the train station and Petunia’s continued disregard for her feelings wears off, she remembers their last meeting on the train. 

Where do they stand?

Lily scuffs her trainer on the road. They’re walking without a destination. Walking keeps them warmer than standing, though, so she wraps a scarf over her cheeks and continues on their circuit of the neighborhood.

Beside her, Severus’ voice raises at the end of his sentence like he asked a question.

It takes a beat for her to notice that he’s expecting a response.

“Mhm,” Lily hums non-committedly. 

“Lily,” Severus says, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, “what is it?”

A little delayed, Lily halts too, turning on her heel to look back at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re distracted.”

“Oh.” The three feet of space between them, the time it took for her to notice that he stopped, makes that impossible to deny. “Sorry. Thinking.” 

She should be able to think about better kisses. Sitting on the staircase, coaxing a smile out of her with a confession. Fumbling in the broom cupboard and wanting to get closer. Jamie’s eyes right before she kissed Lily’s forehead so tenderly.

Instead, Lily keeps replaying her biting too hard and them not fitting together.

He looks at her levelly, not believing her flimsy denial. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” she says.

She definitely can’t tell Severus that Jamie Potter is on her mind. If they couldn’t talk about Cornelia’s relationship, they certainly can’t talk about hers. Not that she’s even sure that it _is_ a relationship.

“I’m thinking about Petunia,” she tries again. “I don’t even know why I bothered to come back. She doesn’t want me here. I would have gotten more done if I stayed at school.”

“It’s our last time here,” Severus replies, starting to walk again. “In a few months, you won’t even have to talk to her.”

That’s probably supposed to be a comfort, but her stomach twists. Without the house or this thin layer of obligation, Severus is right. Once Petunia is married and doesn’t share her last name, they won’t have any reason to be together.

She didn’t realize how being the Evans sisters held them together, even barely, until the prospect of it completely snapping sits in front of her.

“Yeah,” Lily answers quietly. She shoves her hands in her pockets. “Do you want to get something to eat at the corner shop? Vernon’s coming over tonight, so I think I’m going to pass on that.”

He nods. He doesn’t need to provide an explanation for why he doesn’t want to go back to his parents’ house for her to know it. She thinks she might be in that place herself too.

\--

“Prongs. If you look out that window and pout one more time…”

Jamie readjusts her cheek on her palm and lets out a long-suffering sigh before Sirius can even finish. It’s like she isn’t even pretending to listen.

“Prongs!”

She looks over at him, but her eyes are still glazed with daydreams. “Yeah,” she mumbles. “Whatever you say, Pads.”

Sirius groans and gets up to sit on the window seat with his best friend. This is supposed to be some time away from the threat of detention. The Potters usually laugh at their jokes instead of assigning punishment. 

Instead, he’s spent most of the last few days trying to get Jamie to stop thinking about Lily Evans - even though she stubbornly refuses to admit that she’s thinking about her at all.

“Ruining your holiday isn’t going to change anything,” Sirius says, shoving aside Jamie’s feet to make room for himself. “Have you thought about writing her?”

Like the prick she is, Jamie tosses a pillow at him. “Writing who?”

“Evans!” Sirius answers, throwing his hands out in an exasperated motion. “Who else?”

“I’m not thinking about Evans,” Jamie denies immediately. The tips of her ears turn red. If she didn’t want to get caught so easily, she shouldn’t have tied her hair back. She hugs her knees to her chest and looks out the window again.

“Prongs,” Sirius says, trying to sound as patient as possible. “If she’s making you stare out of windows all the bloody time, maybe you should, I dunno, write to her?”

“Even if I was thinking about Evans,” she says, tracing a line of moisture across the glass. “Why does that mean she wants me to write?”

Are they talking about the same Evans?

“Because you’re snogging? Girls usually want to talk about that kind of stuff.” He nudges Jamie’s foot with his own. “You obviously do.”

“Yeah, we might have snogged at the party -” Jamie hedges when she meets Sirius’ eye. “All right. And after Transfiguration and on the train, but -”

“You snogged on the train? You didn’t tell me _that_.”

The red spreads to add two spots on her cheeks. “It was…” Jamie lowers her fingers to pick at the fringe of a pillow. “Not like the other times.”

“That’s what has you like this?” Sirius gestures broadly at her. “A bad kiss? C’mon, Prongs.”

“It wasn’t bad, exactly. Different.” She shifts uncomfortably and pulls at the pillow’s fringe. “But if she wanted to talk about it, she would have written to me. I haven’t gotten anything, so maybe she wants to forget about the whole thing.”

“You haven’t written her either,” Sirius says. “What if she’s sitting around, wondering why you haven’t said anything about it? Evans gets all in her head about everything. Plus, she has Snivellus to deal with.”

The mention of Lily’s housemate makes Jamie’s shoulders rise to her ears. “I dunno, Padfoot. It’s complicated with Evans.”

“Yeah,” Sirius mutters, “especially if you keep not talking about it.”

“She could write,” Jamie argues. “If I’m as obvious as you say, she knows. If she’s not writing, it’s because she wants to forget about it. She got everything out of her system and doesn’t want…” Jamie swallows and looks out of the window again. “It’s fine.”

“Prongs, listen to me. You need to write to Evans and tell her _something._ Knowing her, she’s probably come up with a million different wrong answers. Besides, Evans doesn’t have an owl,” Sirius says the last part slowly. “If you don’t send her something, how is she going to reach you? Muggle post?”

It’s as if someone flipped on a switch behind Jamie’s eyes. They light up, changing color from the stormy brown of the last few days to a clear hazel. 

Every so often, Sirius gets to be completely and totally right about something. He should start writing down when it happens to show Moony.

“Padfoot!” Jamie exclaims, jumping up from the window seat. “That’s why she hasn’t written. She doesn’t have an owl!”

Sirius lifts a brow. “Come up with that yourself?”

Jamie’s grin is so wide that it might crack. She spins around and nearly trips on the edge of the carpet. Even when she’s acting like a complete fool, Jamie is too damn charming for her own good. It’s part of the reason they often manage to slide out of trouble.

“I’ll send her something now,” Jamie runs out of the room. Barely a few seconds pass before she looks back into the room. “She’s bound to write me back, isn’t she?”

“Of course,” Sirius answers confidently. He saw Lily’s expression when she came downstairs at the Gryffindor’s party. No matter what Evans tries to convince those snakes in her house, Sirius can see it all over her face.

Jamie nods and leaves again.

“Should I tell Mia you’re skipping dinner to compose some sonnets for your lady love?” he calls. He’s done a good deed, so he deserves some amount of giving Jamie grief. 

Jamie pauses by the doorway only long enough to give him a rude hand gesture. When she disappears again, Sirius lets his bark of laughter follow her.

\--

_Hope your holiday is treating you well. How is everything? Mum must think Hogwarts starves us, because she won’t stop shoving food our way. It’s all fantastic, of course, but... Is it bad that I miss the pumpkin pasties? Don’t tell my mum. I haven’t even looked at a textbook yet, but I bet you have everything done already. Been thinking about you. Happy Christmas, Evans. - J_

_Thank you for the owl! I’ve been suffocating here. Holidays are fine, but I’m ready to be back. I miss the pasties too, but my sister hasn’t been shoving sweets my way. She’s getting married, so they’re always busy talking about it. Not much room for other things in the house right now. Managed to get most of my school stuff done already because there isn’t anything else interesting to do. What are you and Sirius doing over there? I can’t imagine you having a quiet Christmas. Write soon. - L_

_We’re doing most of what you would expect. Flying in the backyard, making stupid bets, and reminding Mum and Dad how lucky they are to have us. One of Mum’s friends suggested something was off about her cookies, and we can’t have that. Since then, we’ve been testing Mum’s recipes so she knows they’re perfect. I thought we might need your opinion too. The package attached has a good mix of my favorites. Hope you like them. Set my poor mum’s mind at ease. How is wedding planning? - J_

_Tell your mother that her friend is a fool and she needs to go into business with those cookies. It didn’t take long before they were all nearly gone. I’ve been trying to save one, but it’s taunting me right now. I’m making myself finish this note before eating it, but I don’t promise that it will make it much longer than that. As for wedding planning, Petunia’s made it very clear that I won’t be in the wedding. They don’t need me around. I haven’t been doing much of anything. At least we’ll be back in a few days. - L_

_If you wanted more, Evans, all you had to do was ask. Let me know if this batch lasts any longer. Mum’s still a little worried about the recipe, but I taste tested them. They’re safe. Your sister sounds absolutely delightful. What’s her problem? Guess it’s not so bad that I haven’t met her yet, all things considered. If she doesn’t realize what she’s got with you as her sister, that’s her loss. Everything all right? I’ll see you soon. - J_

_Managed to make them last a little longer this time. Is there some magical ingredient that I can’t buy at the corner shop? I don’t think I’ve ever made anything that good in my entire life. Don’t worry about me, though. If she’s right, I’m being overly dramatic and sensitive about the whole thing. Petunia and I don’t get along, but it’s all right. I’m all right. Thanks for the notes and cookies. They’re a bright spot in this holiday. Meet me when we get back? - L_

_Of course. See you then. - J_


	5. Ravenclaw v. Hufflepuff

This time, Severus sticks close by her on the train. At King’s Cross, they find an empty compartment and start talking about the essays they finished at the beginning of their break. They manage to keep up a light conversation the whole time while the scenery whips by their window. 

There’s still an uncomfortable wrinkle in the air when they’re together, but it’s better than watching him plot away with Mulciber and Avery. 

During a lull in the conversation, Lily pinpoints one of the reasons the green fields give her a nostalgic pang in her chest. It’s very likely their last trip on the Hogwarts Express in the direction of the castle. 

Lily can’t stop thinking about it.

Then, amidst large plumes of smoke, the train deposits them onto the platform in Hogsmeade station. For the sake of routine, she follows the rest of the Slytherins up to the castle. 

Once they settle into the common room, the other Slytherins act like nothing has changed since December. Most of her assigned school work is done, but Lily opens her books along with them. It’s good to get used to studying again, she tells herself. Their N.E.W.T. examinations and life outside of Hogwarts are that much closer every day.

When she goes up to bed, Lily realizes that she hasn’t had a chance to make good on her question from her last note. She spent all of the train ride in one compartment and went along with everyone else to the common room. The day was mostly travel, so she’s tired despite not doing much of anything.

Immediate thoughts of sleep are abandoned, however, when she sees a folded bit of parchment, much like the one she found on the train ride to London, sitting purposely on her pillow. Lily hurriedly snaps the door shut behind her and snatches it.

The handwriting is familiar and exactly what she expects. 

It’s what she needs without knowing it.

Although she’ll absolutely deny it if Sirius ever asks, Lily goes to sleep with a smile at the corner of her mouth and the note under her pillow.

\--

Things are, perhaps, not going quite according to Jamie’s plan. 

When Lily arrives at the appointed location at the appointed time, Sirius has his arm slung over Jamie’s shoulders. He’s trying to have an involved conversation, but Jamie keeps looking past him and down the hall.

Looking for Lily.

She bites her lip and ignores the new rhythm of her heart.

“Evans,” Jamie says. She ducks out from under her best friend’s arm and takes a step toward Lily. Jamie’s hair is a little shorter than it was a few weeks ago, with the ends of her curls brushing her shoulders. She runs a characteristic hand through it, making her look like her usual, crooked grinned self.

“Evans,” Sirius echoes, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Have a good holiday?”

“Potter, Black.” She can’t help it. She grins. Lily doesn’t bother to hide her genuine happiness at seeing them. No one else has any reason to be in this abandoned stretch of corridor during a free period. “Mine was fine. I expect that you made good use of your time?”

“Obviously,” Sirius replies. “Once Prongs actually decided to -”

“Weren’t you supposed to be meeting up with Wormtail?” Jamie jabs Sirius meaningfully with her elbow. “Something about making sure Moony doesn’t find out?”

Lily covers her mouth with her hand to avoid laughing.

Sirius rolls his eyes dramatically but takes the bludger of a hint. “Do you think the rest of the Slytherins are out of their common room, Evans? I should have enough time before the next class to -”

“Padfoot…” Jamie cuts him off again, her eyes flitting between Lily and Sirius. Lily notices her gaze drop to Lily’s chest with a quick reversal and slight flush on Jamie’s part. Lily suspects that the reluctance in her tone wouldn’t entirely be there if Lily wasn’t standing near them in her green and silver tie.

“You worry too much, Prongs,” Sirius says, turning his back on them. “Have fun with Evans!” He calls the last part over his shoulder and disappears around the corner. 

They let his footsteps fade before meeting eyes again.

She isn’t sure how long it takes her to gather her courage. It could be a second or whole minute or another age entirely. She starts a few sentences in her head but stops before she manages to say them. 

Jamie shifts on her feet, her fingers worrying the ends of her hair.

“I missed you.”

It takes a full beat for Lily to realize that they said it at the same time.

The tension in her chest loosens. This time, she does laugh, and she doesn’t lift a hand to hide it. Jamie matches it with a smile of her own and drops her fingers from her hair.

“I was hoping,” Lily says, making an effort to keep her chin up, “things could be…”

“Continued?”

She nearly laughs again, now in relief. 

“Yes,” Lily replies. “That.”

Jamie casts a quick glance over her shoulder. Satisfied, she takes a large step forward to close the distance separating them. Her lips touch Lily’s, feather light and so fast that Lily doesn’t have time to close her eyes. 

“Meet me here tomorrow night? After Quidditch practice?”

Lily swallows and tries to arrange her thoughts into something coherent again. “Want to make a bet on the next match?”

“Maybe.” Jamie doesn’t hide the way her eyes move down to Lily’s lips again. “But I was thinking about other plans.”

“Yeah,” Lily agrees quietly. Their eyes meet again. “Tomorrow.”

\--

In the midst of their brief reunion, Lily and Jamie didn’t really pin down the particulars. 

Lily realizes this when her knees start to burn. 

Jamie’s suggestion of ‘after Quidditch practice’ told her to wait for a little while after dinner, but she didn’t know exactly how long. She wasted some time doing homework in her common room, but it wasn’t enough. She kept catching herself glancing out of the windows and waiting for the mermaids to do something interesting.

She could only watch them trade pebble necklaces for so long.

When Lily couldn’t stand it anymore and it had to be getting late enough to be dark, she closed her books. She packed everything away and made excuses to be with her thoughts. She took the winding path to the abandoned corridor from yesterday. Anyone who caught her out would interpret her wandering as what she called it - an aimless walk with only the purpose of giving her some time to be alone.

But now it’s tomorrow and she wants things to be continued. 

In their agreed upon location, she’s more than a little impatient. For what has to be the last hour but feels even longer, she’s ducked to stay hidden whenever a set of footsteps come near her. It isn’t quite curfew, but that doesn’t stop her from hiding behind one of the suits of armor when it sounds like someone might be coming.

Finally, a hurried set of footsteps makes her peek through the knight’s legs. 

“Evans?” comes a whisper.

Well, she did keep her waiting.

Jamie lets out a quiet sigh. From her hiding place, Lily can see dried mud on her trainers. She leans back and props one foot against the wall with her. She shifts as she shoves her hands in the pockets of her practice uniform. Lily moves to see Jamie better, but the suit of armor rattles.

She freezes. 

Standing up again, Jamie is alert. “Hello?”

Lily counts the seconds, but not even a minute passes. Jamie settles back against the wall, but maybe she’s not quite as relaxed as before the fumble. As much as she wants to give Jamie a taste of her waiting, she also can’t. 

She’s wanted to be near Jamie for too long. Wasting time when they could be together, when they could be closer is torturous. 

“Potter,” Lily says, side-stepping out from behind the suit of armor. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Jamie’s hand jumps to her hair. Her smile is a little sheepish. “Practice ran long. The beaters weren’t getting the -” She stops, her eyes going wide. “Just some practice plays.”

_Adorable,_ Lily thinks fondly. Jamie’s commitment to keeping what happened at practice from a house rival is adorable. It makes Lily glad that she swapped her green jumper for a cream one.

“We’re not meeting to swap Quidditch secrets.”

“Good,” Jamie says, recovering. “Not even you could make me spill.”

“I have a different kind of secret in mind,” Lily offers. “A Head Girl secret. Though you might know about it too, since it’s also a Quidditch captain perk.”

Jamie looks at her curiously. A glimmer in her eye makes Lily think that she might have already caught on to her plan. “What are you up to?”

Glancing down the corridor both ways, Lily sees no one. They’re inching closer to curfew, so there should be fewer people around to catch them. The people still out, however, have the power to give them detention. “Think you can get us to the fifth floor?”

“Evans,” Jamie says, a note of mock offense in her voice. “I can get us anywhere.”

With one smooth motion, Jamie throws her cloak over their heads. She chuckles by Lily’s ear and puts an arm around her waist. It makes walking slightly more difficult, but Lily likes the warmth of Jamie near her. She can feel a heartbeat between them and she wonders if it’s Jamie’s or hers. 

From their escape at the first Quidditch match, Lily knows they can both fit under the cloak without this closeness, but she doesn’t protest.

They shuffle down the corridors, taking care to be quiet as well as unseen. They stick close to the walls in case someone rushes by in an attempt to beat curfew. For most of the trip, they’re alone. As they continue, Lily can practically feel Jamie getting emboldened with every step.

When they make another turn, Jamie moves to her side. At first, Lily thinks it’s a maneuver to keep them under the cloak. She ducks slightly, like that will give them the extra room they need.

Jamie doesn’t need more room, though, because she presses herself closer. Lily’s back hits the wall as her chin raises. Their eyes meet. Lily is highly aware of every place where Jamie is touching her. 

She knows what is going to happen only a split second before it does. 

Jamie kisses her slowly at first. Once Lily responds in kind, Jamie’s fingers move to the nape of her neck. Their last kisses on the train might not have aligned, but these do. 

What she said at their last meeting was honest. Lily did miss her. She missed the way their lips meet. She missed Jamie’s fingers and their ability to make her skin tingle. Lily can feel pleasant heat travel all the way to her toes. 

Two things happen at once.

The hand that isn’t in Lily’s hair moves to her waistband. The brush of Jamie’s finger against her stomach makes her whole body shiver. Their clothes, which didn’t feel like too much of a problem a few minutes ago, are suddenly barriers to what she wants.

The realization hits her quickly. 

She wants more.

At the same time, a sound from down the corridor registers. Her mind is moving through thick fog, so it takes an extra second to recognize what it is.

Someone is down the hall.

“C’mon,” Lily whispers. “We should keep going.”

Jamie groans against her mouth. Lily feels the vibration rather than hearing the sound. The hormones pumping through her bloodstream scream that anything that stops this is a mistake. Her brain reminds her that getting detention might be a bigger mood killer.

“This,” Lily says, accenting the word with a short kiss, “will be more fun if we don’t get caught.”

Her reply is to press Lily’s back more firmly against the wall and capture her lips again. Jamie moves in, close enough that her foot is between Lily’s instead of in front of them. The motion flattens them against the wall, making the cloak nearly brush the ground. 

Lily’s head spins wildly. Why would she ever want to move away from this? The firewhiskey at the Gryffindor party has nothing on the other thing she found there.

“Jamie…” she says, voice caught between a whine and whisper. 

“We won’t get caught,” Jamie insists, moving her lips across Lily’s cheek. She pauses by her ear to add, “It’s an invisibility cloak, Evans.” 

“I had a plan,” Lily whispers.

Lily can feel Jamie’s chuckle against the sensitive skin of her neck. “Lily Evans and her plans.” Slowly, Jamie uses her kisses to trace the line of Lily’s neck like she’s trying to memorize it. Her hand moves across Lily’s back, pulling her closer and pushing aside the fabric in her way. 

In what is starting to feel like second nature, Lily’s fingers move into Jamie’s hair. She twists them into the strands, holding onto the girl in front of her and whatever thoughts she can still grasp. Keeping her mind focused on something other than what she wants Jamie to do to her is a herculean task. 

“You’ll like this one.”

Teeth nip a new spot, somewhere she’s never felt those kinds of nerve endings, and Lily nearly melts on the spot. 

“I like this one too,” Jamie says.

Lily does too, but she doesn’t say that out loud. Not that she has to. It isn’t as if she’s being subtle with her hand in Jamie’s hair, head tipping back, and hips against hers. It’s dizzying and impossible and terrifying and also wonderful that Jamie can make her feel like this.

It might be easy to let this fire burn.

She could meet Jamie with kisses and hands to let her know that she’s been thinking about her all of Christmas break. She could let her snog her against a wall with a cloak as their only defense. She could muffle any sounds with a fierce kiss and go back to her common room with these memories.

They would be good memories. They would keep her warm while the wind and snow blow outside their windows. 

But her plan is to get back to where they were in that broom cupboard. 

Her heart races just thinking about it. Their goodbye on the train wasn’t the time or place, but this could be. That confusing and awkward encounter doesn’t do anything to temper her desire.

That’s what this is, even if it’s hard to call it that in her own head.

She wants to chase this fire. She wants to continue where they left off and see if Jamie can help her produce new flames. 

She remembers how, even when Jamie’s back was against the door in that cupboard, it felt like she held all of the power. Lily tries to channel that now. 

“Jamie,” Lily says again with more authority in her voice. She tugs on Jamie’s hair, gentle enough that she won’t hurt her but firm enough to get her attention. “We need to get to the fifth floor. I want things to be continued. Alone. With you.”

Jamie’s eyes meet hers, pupils wide.

Lily grins. The need in Jamie’s gaze makes her weak in the knees, but it also makes her strong. It proves that she isn’t the only one who gets lost in their kisses. She presses another soft kiss to the corner of Jamie’s mouth and leans their foreheads together. “Let’s go?”

“Let’s go,” Jamie agrees in a rough whisper. 

The cloak was apparently enough to hide them from whoever was at the end of the hall. While Lily’s mind was filled with Jamie, whoever might have caught them left without noticing two girls snogging by the wall. 

Lily puts a finger by her lips to remind Jamie to be quiet, just for good measure, but she nearly ruins it a moment later by almost giggling. 

Under Jamie’s guidance with their fingers interlocked, they duck into a passageway and end up by the statue of Boris the Bewildered only a few minutes later. For the last few steps, Lily leads the way. She finds the correct door, chances a knock to make sure they won’t have to share with anyone, and whispers the password.

As soon as the door clicks behind them, Jamie pulls off the cloak. She casts it aside like a worn secondhand piece instead of the nearly priceless family artifact it is. It puddles on the floor. Jamie’s hair is wild and matches the spark in her eyes.

If Lily wanted to say something about how Jamie treats her things, she doesn’t have a chance.

Jamie’s mouth is on hers again.

Jamie’s hands go to her hair. Lily’s head tilts back to meet her. They’re close in all the right places but want to be even closer. Together, they find all the familiar spots on each other’s bodies and want more. 

This kiss is frantic. 

Now that they’re here, they don’t have enough time to do everything they want. Every second that they aren’t kissing is wasted. Lily doesn’t have enough hands to put everywhere that she wants to touch Jamie.

Lily fumbles for the lock.

Jamie’s hands are under her shirt on the bare skin of her back. Their hips align as Lily moves against her. There’s a delicious friction between them that snaps like electricity. Lips move down Lily’s neck and press hotly against her collarbone. 

Nothing else matters as much as where they’re going to go next.

Lily hopes that she managed to turn the lock into place. 

Unlike during the slow discovery in the broom cupboard, Jamie’s fingers easily find the clasp on her back. With a nod from Lily, she undoes it. She arches her back when Jamie’s slightly callused fingers find skin she hasn’t before explored.

“Lily,” Jamie whispers, her breath warm. “Can I…?”

“Yes,” Lily answers, content to spend the whole night or several days or maybe forever right where she is. “Yes.”

\--

Her time over the next few weeks fills quickly between keeping up with her Slytherin housemates, ensuring that her schoolwork gets done, and following up on Head Girl duties. Her meetings with Jamie become more hurried, shorter, and separated by more days each time. Jamie is busy too and can’t save all of the gaps in her schedule for sneaking off into broom cupboards or abandoned classrooms.

The weeks slip by too quickly. When it’s time for another Quidditch match, Lily hasn’t seen Jamie nearly as much as she would like. When they do see each other, it is little more than quick glances across the Great Hall or during class. 

On Saturday morning, she doesn’t want to waste time in the Great Hall. “I’m going to get a headstart,” Lily says once she’s finished her breakfast of toast and eggs. “It’s so nice out, and I’ve been stuck inside all week.”

“If you want,” Severus starts, though his plate still half-full, “I can -”

Lily waves vaguely. She even offers him the suggestion of a smile so he knows that she isn’t upset. “Eat. I’ll see you in the stands.”

“See you there.” Mulciber takes another bite and says something else, more quietly, to Severus. It gets him into a conversation, so Lily lifts her hand in a small wave and makes her exit. 

She was right in knowing what she needed this morning, since the fresh air is refreshing. Despite the fact that it’s early for a Saturday morning, she feels awake and alert. It’s a good change of pace from the sometimes stuffy air of the stone castle. Birds call to each other over her head. A faint breeze ruffles her hair. The sun is out, and she can feel it on her face. 

There’s still some time before the game, so only a few other students are outside with her. The teams are already in their locker rooms, preparing for the match. Almost everyone else is finishing breakfast or getting ready to watch. 

“Hey!”

Lily ignores the voice at first, sure they have to be talking to someone else.

“Evans!” 

Lily stops this time, looking over her shoulder. 

A girl with loose blonde curls jogs down the slope of the grounds. A red pin closes the front of her robes. She catches up to Lily and flashes her a smile. “Hey,” she repeats.

“Hey,” Lily echoes. 

She knows of the girl, Mary Macdonald, since they’re in the same year, but they haven’t spoken much. They share some classes, like all seventh years. Still, their interactions have been limited, likely due to the emerald of Lily’s scarf that contrasts with Mary’s crimson.

“I saw you at the Quidditch party after our first game,” Mary says. She falls into step beside Lily. “Sirius says you’re fun for a Slytherin.”

Lily’s first instinct is to deny it, but a voice in the back of her mind disagrees, stopping her. Why should she be ashamed? In times like these, with the world outside the school getting darker and tenser, they shouldn’t be building up silly lines between them. They should be finding who they can trust and forging goodwill where they can. They should stand united against the rising darkness.

Isn’t that part of her job as Head Girl? She should stand as an example for the rest of the school to show that they don’t need enemies based on a school house. They all need to know who the real enemy is and stand against them.

“Well, the party was fun,” Lily says. “Glad I added to it, according to Black. Does Gryffindor have parties like that often?”

Mary shrugs good-naturedly. “The best one will be if we win the Cup,” she says. Her smile hints at her teasing, and it makes Lily instantly want to know more about her. “We didn’t get a chance to talk, but I wanted to. You were the only Slytherin to stop by.” 

“Yeah,” Lily replies. She makes a little what-can-you-do face, trusting her impression. In every other interaction, the other girl has been nothing but civil to her, despite the tension between their houses. She even remembers being paired with her in Transfiguration a few times. “Slytherins aren’t always the most… outgoing lot.”

“Bet they had some opinions about you being there.”

Lily laughs and is rewarded with a grin from Mary. “Absolutely.”

“But, the real question is, will you be back?”

Mary’s expression is open, her eyes clear and the grin still in place, telling Lily that it is a real question. It isn’t seeking secret information or trying to get something to use later. She’s actually asking and wants to know what Lily is thinking.

She had fun. More fun, really, than she can remember having in a long time. What happened on the staircase helped the whole night have a magical glow (of course), but it wasn’t only that. 

Sirius didn’t treat her like a reminder of his estranged brother or family. For all his blustering about her house and the people in it, he didn’t fix the label on her forehead and treat her accordingly. He treated her like anyone who was a bit too obvious about having a crush on his best mate. His teasing was more welcome than generic kind words.

If she can talk openly with Mary, joke with Sirius, and kiss Jamie, why shouldn’t she go back to the Gryffindor common room if she’s invited?

“Yeah,” Lily answers, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. “If people want me there, anyway.” 

The other girl flicks her wrist to wave her hand dismissively. She nearly rolls her eyes, but the motion isn’t malicious. It’s as if Lily is silly for doubting their approval of her presence for any length of time. “Of course we do. We need new people to keep things interesting.”

A few more people have started to make their way out of the castle and toward the Quidditch Pitch. The wind gusts briefly like a set of hands pushing them toward the place where they’re supposed to go. Both Lily and Mary follow it. 

Without realizing it, Lily’s posture straightens. 

The conversation drifts from classes to Quidditch, to annoyances with their uniform to tips they’ve seen in magazines, and back again. Mary pauses to listen to what Lily has to say, but she isn’t timid about jumping in with her point of view as well. 

“I ducked out of Potions as soon as I could,” Mary admits. “Sweating over a cauldron, fretting over getting everything just right, and shivering on the way down to the dungeon? No thank you.”

“It’s not that bad,” Lily says. “Once you get a feel for it -”

“The brewing or the dungeon?”

“The…” Lily stops and weighs her answer for a second. She shakes her head, laughing. “Both, really. With the cauldrons or a fireplace, it’s not that cold. Or maybe I’m used to it.” She adjusts her scarf to cover her neck from the wind that builds as they get closer to the stands.

“You’re Slughorn’s star. I still remember our joint Potions lessons. You always answered his questions and managed to have the best brews in the class. You weren’t afraid to give him a little cheek when he deserved it, either.” Their shoulders knock together when the growing crowd presses them a little closer. “He’d be heartbroken if you gave it up.” 

Unlike the other times she’s heard things like this, mostly from Severus, Mary’s words don’t have a sharp note. She’s stating what she sees as facts, and there isn’t something else lurking under her tone. It’s not an accusation of undeserved favoritism or a ploy to provoke a compliment.

“I like Potions. It always makes sense.”

In a world where people have opinions about her existence based purely on the magical inabilities of her parents, it’s nice to have something straight-forward. If she makes a plan and sticks to it, at least in Potions class, she can always get the expected result.

“That’s why I like Care of Magical Creatures,” Mary says. “People don’t always make sense, but animals generally do.”

By now, more students have joined them. Bodies shift as friends catch up with each other and shout to get their attention. 

The stands loom before them, presenting a physical divide. 

“Where are you sitting?” Mary asks, coming to a stop. 

“I’m not sure,” Lily says. She twists the edge of her sweater around her finger and pauses beside Mary. “Some of my friends are in the Slytherin section, of course, but we aren’t playing today, so -”

“Oi, Evans!” 

Lily turns at her name but doesn’t see anyone right away. A warm laugh comes from above her, somehow making itself heard over the growing mass of students, so she looks up toward it.

She’s greeted with a tangle of dark hair and a set of mischievous hazel eyes. 

Her demeanor changes in an instant as Lily crosses her arms and cocks her hip to the side. She can feel the corner of her mouth turning up, but she schools her expression to remain more serious. “Yes, Potter?”

With that, Jamie knows she has Lily’s attention. Her teeth flash when she smiles, so big that surely someone else has to notice. 

Sirius stands beside her, leaning against the railing with his hands hanging over it. His posture, as it so often does, contains a practiced ease that Lily doesn’t think she’ll ever achieve. He nudges Jamie with his elbow and doesn’t bother to hide his smirk. 

Jamie ruffles her hair, maybe a little embarrassed, and wraps her fingers around the ends of the sleeves on her jumper. “Aren’t you going to sit with some decent people again?” Jamie calls.

“Yeah, I will,” Lily answers. Grinning, she reaches back and casually loops her arm through Mary’s. The other girl, thankfully, knows what to do. She tugs Lily back like this was all planned from the beginning. “I’m sitting with Macdonald. We were about to pick our seats, actually. Where does Fenwick sit again?”

Sirius lets out a sharp bark of laughter.

“All right, Evans,” Jamie says, shaking her head. She doesn’t completely drop her smile, though. “Sit with the Ravenclaws while you can, since they’ll be losing to us in the final. I’m sure I’ll see you in the Gryffindor stands for that one. Will you wish me luck?” Her eyes get a gleam that should really be illegal or, at least, inappropriate for younger audiences. 

“You’re so confident that you’ll be in the final, Potter, but it’s a long season. Who knows? Maybe you’ll have to watch from the sidelines with me.”

“That,” Jamie says, “is the only way I’ll watch from the sidelines.”

“Gryffindor’s going to do better than make the final,” Sirius says. “We’re gonna win it. Aren’t we, Macdonald?”

“I hope so,” Mary answers easily from beside her. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t show a little inter-house unity today. Evans and I need to scout the rest of the teams to make our bets on who else is going to make it to the final match.”

Jamie says, “Well, my bet’s always on Gryffindor.”

“Isn’t that your job?” Lily asks. “It won’t be fun to beat a team if their captain doesn’t even believe in them.”

“Then I’ll make another bet, Evans.” Jamie pushes her spectacles up her nose, and her smile twists into a confident smirk. “I’ll bet that I have something you can borrow for the game.”

Sirius whoops in a way that she tries to ignore.

“Let’s find some spots before the match starts,” Mary says as her rescue. It lets Lily look over at her and ignore the way her cheeks might be starting to match her hair. She lifts a hand, covering her face temporarily. Maybe that hides the blush somewhat from the other girl. 

“Lily!” someone else calls from the other side of the stands. 

She looks up to see Cornelia with what appears to be an expression of welcome. Avery stands by her side, their hands linked together. “Are you coming?” She tilts her head to the side like a schoolgirl waiting for her playmate.

It’s the angle of the sun, Lily tells herself, that adds a somewhat malicious edge to her smile.

Before she replies, Lily glances over at the girl next to her. Their arms are still linked. Lily recognizes a stubborn defiance in Mary’s expression. It’s one that she’s seen in the mirror when looking at herself. 

“Yeah,” Lily answers. “We’re coming.” She lifts her free hand, pointedly looks to the other side of the stands, and gives Sirius and Jamie a little wave. She doesn’t suppress the tick of her cheeks toward a smirk. “I have to go, but I hope you enjoy the match!” 

Sirius roars with laughter. 

Turning on her heel, Lily goes up a few stairs toward the group of seventh year Slytherins. Her boots make a hard sound against the metal. 

Mary tugs on her arm so she can talk while they climb the stairs. She whispers, “You have to tell me more about that.” 

“There’s not much to tell,” Lily answers. “Potter -”

“Please,” Mary cuts her off with a warm chuckle. “I know you can’t talk about it with the Slytherins, but you can talk to me.”

“It’s not -”

“Give Lily and her friend a seat,” Cornelia’s voice interrupts. Cornelia nudges Avery to make him move down the bench farther and waves her hand over the newly empty spaces. Her smile is even sharper up close. 

They slide into the seats at the end of a row with Lily between Mary and Cornelia. “Thanks,” Lily says. 

“You know,” Cornelia says, putting a hand on Lily’s arm, “I almost thought you were going to sit with the Gryffindors again.”

Although she has a guess of what Cornelia wants her to do, Lily doesn’t particularly feel like falling into it. They don’t have to know what she did at the Gryffindor party or since then, but she won’t act like talking to another house is the ultimate betrayal. There are too many important things happening to spend so much energy on school rivalries. 

“Maybe sometime,” Lily replies. “It’s nice to see the pitch from a new point of view.”

Cornelia looks like she considers this for a beat. “I suppose so. Learn anything useful for the next game?”

“Careful you don’t spill any Slytherin secrets, Burke,” Mary says with a shrug. “You’re all sitting with one Gryffindor today.”

“I think of all of us, Lily probably knows the most about Quidditch. And the players. Don’t you, Lily?”

Her thoughts immediately turn to Jamie, as she’s sure Cornelia intends. Jamie throwing her hair over her shoulder when she dives for the Quaffle. Jamie directing her teammates from her broomstick while scanning for the next play. Jamie and the way her scarlet and gold Quidditch jumpers will sometimes show off a flash of her collarbone. 

“You give me too much credit, Cornelia. I’m not an expert. Just a fan.”

As if on cue, a noticeable ripple makes it way through the spectators. The cheers pick up in earnest when the yellow and black clad Hufflepuff players step out from their locker room and onto the field. They follow their captain in a line to the center of the field. The other half of the excitable crowd joins the yells with their own when the Ravenclaw team lines up to face them. The players mount their brooms in a simultaneous, almost choreographed moment.

From a box in the center of the field, the referee releases the bludgers, which start a wild series of zigzags over their heads. A second later, the Golden Snitch zips into the sky and quickly disappears from view. The referee throws the quaffle into the air and blows her whistle as fourteen brooms take off from the ground.

At first, the pace of the game is rapid. One of the Ravenclaw chasers steals the quaffle from a player in yellow and scores before the rest of the team even realizes that it’s happening. The quaffle goes back and forth for the next several minutes, both teams evenly matched enough to keep everyone guessing about what will happen next.

The match continues like this with neither team having enough of an advantage to make a conquering victory. Hufflepuff counters when Ravenclaw advances, but they don’t make it to the end of the field on most of their plays. 

As the game drags on, the players aren’t the only ones barely hanging onto their seats. Everyone is still on edge, thinking that the outcome could change at any moment, but attention spans and observation stamina only last for so long.

When Mary starts to sag against Lily’s shoulder, she decides corrective action is necessary. Her remaining school Quidditch games are numbered, so she can’t let this one sink into boredom. Lily stands abruptly and turns away from the game to look up at the rest of the Slytherin onlookers. 

“Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff!” she shouts. Lily puts emphasis on each syllable to make the cheer into a chant. “Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff!”

Roused from their seats, a few people slowly start to pick it up and join. It’s quickly contagious. The other students pump their fists in the air and stomp their feet, breathing life back into the pitch and the game. 

Lily looks back toward the pitch in time to see a Hufflepuff chaser use the new energy to steal the quaffle and make two goals in a row.

“Ravenclaw! Ravenclaw!” 

Lily whips her gaze away from the yellow and blue players above the field. The new round of cheering comes from the opposite stands, where Jamie’s head rises above the sea of red jumpers. She stands on one of the benches, turning away from the game to cup her hands over her mouth and get the Gryffindors to try to overpower the Slytherins.

She laughs but determinedly projects her voice to raise the Hufflepuff cheer. The yells around her increase as her housemates instinctually resist being beaten by Gryffindors at _anything_.

“Hufflepuff!” 

Even Mary joins in, swept up in the collective rush of being in a live sports audience.

Someone from the field gasps. That carries over every cheer. The crowd can sense when something important is about to occur. It instantly brings everyone’s attention back to whatever is happening on the pitch. 

Half of each team swings their brooms around to their seekers. Both are pressed flat on their brooms, chasing the infamous streak of gold that will end this challenge. Everyone leans forward in their seats, as if they’re flying along with them. The chants drop off as they focus entirely on the two players who take off after a set of fluttering wings. 

In what will go down in school history as one of the most impressive plays of the decade, Vincent, the Hufflepuff seeker with hair that matches her robes, makes a spectacular grab. The Ravenclaw seeker stops a second too early when her fingers only brush the target, not keeping it in her grasp. Vincent takes the opportunity and shoves past to close her fist around the snitch.

Vincent’s cheer might be the loudest of everyone, as if she can barely believe that she caught the snitch. She takes a wide loop around the pitch, the snitch’s wings still fluttering in her raised hand. Half of the stands shriek in delight while the other half lets out a combination of groans and muffled curses.

Quidditch is a magical healer, Lily decides, when Mary sweeps all three girls in a group hug and Cornelia lets her.


	6. Quidditch Practice

When she tosses and turns for what feels like the hundredth time, Lily gives up. She flops onto her back. Unsurprisingly, that doesn’t bring sleep any closer. The other Slytherin girls make no noise, which is almost worse than them being awake with her. 

She can’t sleep while her mind is whirling.

Sitting up, Lily grabs the spare quill on her bedside table and scratches out a note. _Meet me at the Astronomy Tower._ She folds it into a slightly lopsided shape and uses a whispered spell to send the small paper airplane on its way.

Without waiting for a response, she pushes her blankets aside and stands. Lily finds a pair of slippers by feeling around in the dark with her feet and arranges a pillow under the covers so it will look like a sleeping body with a quick glance. She tucks her wand in her pocket and sneaks out before she can think better of it or change her mind.

She doesn’t know if she should really expect the Gryffindor recipient to respond.

There’s a chance the note won’t make it to her.

Likely, she is asleep.

She could be too deep of a sleeper to be woken by a hastily charmed note. Possibly, even if she does wake up, she won’t want to wander the castle at night and risk curfew to meet with Lily.

Still, Lily sticks close to the walls while she makes her way through the castle without the assistance of an invisibility cloak. It is late enough, luckily, that she didn’t encounter anyone. She steps into the fresh air of the Astronomy Tower and barely finishes taking a deep breath when she is immediately grabbed from behind.

Before her instincts can kick in and protect her, Lily feels the pleasant warmth of a nose bumping against her skin and a pair of lips on the back of her neck. The arms at her waist wrap around her to pull her back against Jamie’s body.

Lily sighs happily.

“Is there an emergency?”

“Not really,” Lily admits. “I couldn’t sleep. Kept thinking about you.”

“If that’s all,” Jamie mumbles, moving her chin to rest on Lily’s shoulder. “You could have said that. I still would have come.”

“You’re here now.”

Jamie chuckles by her ear. “Yeah, Evans. I’m here.”

Lily twists in her arms to face her. With one hand on her shoulder, Lily traces the fingers of her other hand along Jamie’s cheek and watches how Jamie’s eyes follow her. She can’t help herself. Being close to Jamie Potter makes her feel light and warm and happy.

She leans forward to kiss Jamie briefly. 

Jamie’s hands go to either side of her waist. “Did you want to talk about something?” 

“No,” Lily says. “There’s nothing to talk about. I wanted to see you, and…”

Jamie blinks. 

“Thank you for coming,” Lily adds. “I feel better already.”

Jamie hesitates but then nods. “‘Course,” she answers. It looks like she might say more, but she closes her mouth again. A beat passes. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Yes,” Lily says easily. “Please.”

Jamie closes the space between them. Her hold is tight, but it’s more secure than desperate. It keeps Lily from floating into the stars. Their tongues touch, tentative at first, but quickly find familiarity. The kiss isn’t hurried or needy. 

It’s exactly what she wants.

Each time they meet, it’s like picking up where they left off from the last time. Jamie takes a step forward to guide them toward the wall. Lily’s back goes against it with Jamie’s hands tangled in her hair. They’re hungry and willing to let the other person know through sighs and soft moans and sharp intakes of breath. 

Lily moves her hips, less shy than the other times she’s thought about doing this. 

Each time is easier because Jamie is still here. If she hasn’t walked away, this can’t all be in Lily’s head. They’ve talked and teased, and Jamie still woke up to answer her note. Jamie, who wears a different tie and stands against the worst parts of Lily’s house, has seen more parts of her and hasn’t decided to leave. 

She’s seen Lily be carefully planned and unusually impulsive. She’s sent her Christmas cookies and hidden notes. 

She’s stood in front of her best friend and didn’t look ashamed. 

Lily deepens their kiss and presses herself against Jamie, hoping part of the raging fire in her chest translates. 

\--

The whole way back to the common room, Lily doesn’t need her dressing gown to stay warm. It’s enough to think of Jamie’s arms and mouth and the way she knew exactly where to -

Lily smiles to herself while she whispers the password. 

The common room is predictably empty. She’s careful not to make any excessive noise, but the bigger challenge is up the stairs. Lily’s soft soled slippers barely make a sound as she moves past the couches and recently cleared tables. The house elves must have already made their rounds to pick up whatever students left during the day. 

On the staircase, she knows to skip the stair that always creaks. She takes each one slowly and holds her breath as she passes the doors that come before hers.

No sounds behind the doors give any indication that anyone else is awake. She makes it to her door and nudges it open. Slowly, Lily turns the handle to close the door behind her. When it shuts with a hardly there thud, someone would have to be listening intentionally and closely to hear it. 

She only lets herself linger by the door for a few seconds. Even, measured breathing meets her and suggests that everyone else is asleep. Lily walks across the room at a slow pace, taking extra care to be quiet when she passes an occupied bed. 

Springs shift. 

Lily’s eyes go wide as she hugs her dressing gown around her middle. She yawns, a little too widely to be real, in case someone does lift her head.

She’s just up for a glass of water. She’ll tell them that if they ask. There’s nothing to see.

To cover her tracks, Lily walks to the bathroom and runs the tap. She sets an empty glass on the edge of the sink as evidence. When she doesn’t hear anything else from the dormitory, she decides that it’s safe.

She’s worrying over nothing.

She crosses the room more quickly this time. Her dressing gown and slippers find their usual place by her bed, though her fingers shake slightly on the knot. 

She made it back here without a detention.

She made it back here without detection. 

Everything is fine. 

The memory of the curve of Jamie’s smile is still fresh in her mind. It’s calming enough to conquer any of the swirling thoughts that kept her awake earlier that night.

Slipping under the covers, Lily hugs her pillow like it is the girl she left on the Astronomy Tower.

\--

“I know where you’ve been going.”

The words are little more than a whisper. They aren’t meant to be heard by the masses. They’re a specific message pointed at a specific girl. They don’t need to echo to startle her like a gunshot in one of those old muggle films. They’re quiet, and that makes them all the more dangerous. Information can cause the most damage when someone knows how to use it.

They hit their target.

Lily’s head jerks up from her hunched position. Her ponytail snaps behind her as she finds Cornelia with her eyes. The other girl is already nearly across the room, barely having even paused by Lily’s side. 

It’s not an explicit threat, but Lily hears that in her words.

They’re still getting used to the idea that these are their last few months in the castle, but Lily has found a few chances to distance herself from her housemates. In general, people are too absorbed in their own minds to keep track of where she’s going at all times.

The stolen moments are always too short, but Lily knows that her smile sticks around longer. A minute teasing Jamie or a well-placed retort can leave her grinning into her pillow all night.

Although she’s done her best to be careful, she should have known someone could be suspicious. She should have known Cornelia wouldn’t rest without an answer. She should have prepared more. When she saw Lily leaving the common room to go somewhere else, somewhere no one else was invited, she wouldn’t handle sitting without an answer.

What did she see to give it away?

Part of her wants to know what Cornelia thinks this is. What does she know? 

Lily has been avoiding putting any kind of label on what she - what they - have been doing. Jamie likes her, and she likes Jamie, so they’re two girls who happen to like each other.

What does it mean?

Lily squeezes her quill between her fingers. She scratches out a misspelled word and tries to think about the next sentence in her essay.

“Did you hear about Potter?”

It’s Cornelia again. 

On her first night in the castle, all those years ago, Cornelia Burke must have snuck downstairs to determine where all the sound travels in their common room. She knows how to find information others miss. Slytherins are calculated. Cornelia is no exception. 

She knows enough about everyone to be dangerous. She’s not afraid of letting people know what she knows. She lures them in enough to pay attention, knowing they won’t suspect that she could be anything more than an over-involved gossip.

Lily knows better than to underestimate her. 

With this piece of news, Cornelia is talking loudly in the common room. She knows other people - knows Lily, especially, if her threat is any indication - will be listening to every word she says. Even if Lily knows that is her plan, even if she knows that Cornelia is trying to catch her, she can’t help but fall for it.

What should she have heard about Potter?

These days, anything having to do with Jamie Potter makes her listen more intently. It’s like kissing her at the party and every time since has activated a signal in her brain. When she’s close or someone mentions her, Lily can’t help but pay attention. 

With a deep breath, Lily puts in the effort to keep staring at her Potions essay. Her mind, however, isn’t on bezoars or antidotes. 

“I heard…” Cornelia’s voice lowers, making Lily’s quill still. She tries to keep her eyes on the parchment, but she can’t even pretend to write anything. She should know better than falling into Cornelia’s traps, but the girl knows what she’s doing. “There was an accident at Gryffindor quidditch practice.”

“What happened?” someone asks in a hushed voice that carries across the room.

“I didn’t hear the details,” Cornelia answers primly. As if she didn’t question everyone she could find before sharing the news. Lily has never seen Cornelia sit on any amount of information without trying to figure out how to learn more. “I did hear that she’s in the hospital wing.”

Lily’s focus narrows.

Practically, she knows she will never be the first person informed. There’s little reason for anyone to know that she has a vested interest in Jamie Potter’s well-being. Sirius knows some of it, surely, but his priority won’t be telling her when something happens. Lily and Jamie haven’t told anyone they are friends, let alone anything else.

They haven’t even talked with each other about what they are.

Lily needs to see her.

For a few agonizing minutes, Lily stares at the parchment and the tip of her quill. She has to wait. She can’t react right away. They’re already suspicious of her. Lily doesn’t need to give them any more reasons. 

Finally, she snaps her book closed. Her essay isn’t going to get done anyway. Lily pushes her parchment into a pile and shoves it in her bag, along with her textbook and a capped bottle of ink. Cornelia’s probably staring at her from the other side of the room, but she can’t bring herself to look that way. 

She has a girl to see.

\--

Lily hesitates by the door, daring herself to cross the threshold into the room. 

“Miss Evans?” Madam Pomfrey pauses, looking toward the doorway. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah,” she replies quickly, nodding. “I mean, yes. I was wondering if I could, um…”

Although she probably has plenty to do, Madam Pomfrey stands in place. She’s holding a basket filled with colorful vials. Lily remembers a few extra credit assignments for Slughorn where she carefully labelled some vials that were supposed to find their way to the hospital wing. She wonders if any of her handiwork is being used to fix whatever happened to Jamie. 

Madam Pomfrey’s patient gesture gives Lily a few valuable seconds to put together a sentence. “I wanted to visit someone. Jamie Potter came by today?”

“Ah, yes.” Madam Pomfrey turns to look down one of the rows of beds and back to Lily. “She should be able to handle another visitor. Come in, Miss Evans.”

Lily hurries into the high-ceiling room before her courage can fail her. “Thanks, Madam Pomfrey,” she mumbles as she scans the beds for Jamie. It’s not a busy time for the wing, so it’s easy to spot her tangle of dark hair against the white pillow. 

Crossing passed the empty beds, Lily pauses at the end of the occupied one. Jamie is sitting up, but it doesn’t look like it’s entirely on her own. She’s still wearing her scarlet and gold Quidditch jumper, including streaks of mud, probably from her fall. Her arm is wrapped and held close to her stomach. Luckily, it’s not bent at an uncomfortable angle anymore, though Lily suspects Jamie came to the wing with at least a broken wrist. 

“What did you do to yourself, Potter?”

Lily sinks into a chair next to the bed. She’s grateful that Sirius, Remus, and Peter already visited, judging by the trampled flowers on Jamie’s bedside table, but she’s also grateful that she doesn’t have to face them quite yet. Visiting Jamie in the hospital wing alone feels like a step by itself. 

Jamie blinks her eyes open slowly. Her glasses are crooked and nearly ready to fall from the tip of her nose. “Evans?” Slowly, she lifts her uninjured hand to push her glasses back. “It’s not too bad,” Jamie says, her head falling to one side on her propped pillows. 

“Says the girl currently sitting in the hospital wing.” Lily moves her chair an inch or two closer to the side of the bed.

“Tried something new.”

“How did that go?”

Jamie laughs weakly. She winces and quickly tries to cover it with a sloppy smile. She goes to ruffle her hair but misses almost knocks her glasses off in the process. “Everything feels funny.”

That would explain it. Jamie is going to be fine, but Madam Pomfrey is keeping here while she’s under the influence of some potion. Jamie must have taken something for the pain.

“You should be more careful. Slytherin will definitely win if you take yourself off the team.”

“You worry too much, Evans.” Jamie waves her hand by her shoulder. It looks like she’s trying to bat something away from her. She lets her hand fall back on top of the blanket. “It’ll take more than a fall in practice to stop me.”

“So you’ll be back before the Slytherin versus Gryffindor game?”

Jamie scoffs. “‘Course. Not going to make it easy for them.”

“Well, good.” Lily reaches out to smooth the part of the blanket in front of her. “The Quidditch Cup won’t mean as much if we win because you’re not playing.”

“That all?”

It would be easy to say something flippant. She could fall into old patterns and act like her heart didn’t go into her throat when she heard the news. She could pretend that she only stopped by because of curiosity and not because the thought of Jamie sitting in the wing physically hurt her.

But Lily doesn’t want to pretend. 

Not around Jamie.

“You know that’s not all,” she answers quietly. Lily’s hands move to adjust the thin blanket around Jamie. Her chair is now as close as it can be, since her knees are touching the side of Jamie’s bed. She pushes one of the spare pillows under Jamie’s elbow to support her injured arm and gently lifts it into place. 

Jamie captures Lily’s fingers with her good hand before Lily can pull them away. Lily forces some of the tension to leave her shoulders, glancing up to meet Jamie’s eyes and not moving back. The moment is like the one at the top of a ferris wheel. She isn’t quite sure of the exact second that she’s going down instead of up, but she feels the relief of the wind in her hair on the journey down. 

“You like me.” Jamie’s grin is a little too big. 

The hospital wing is empty except for them, so Lily doesn’t check over her shoulder. “I thought that much was obvious. Or did the bludger wipe your memory when it got your arm?”

“You kissed me.” Jamies says this like it’s full evidence that all of her memories are intact. “Several times.”

This time, Lily does glance over her shoulder. Madam Pomfrey is back in her office. Lily turns back and moves to the edge of the chair. She takes a deep breath and tucks her hand into Jamie’s on top of the blanket. “Yes, I did.”

“So you like me.”

“You could say that.”

“Well, are you?”

“What?”

“Are you saying that you like me?”

“Jamie, I…” Lily looks down at their joined hands. “You know that I -”

“Evans.” Jamie sits up, though Lily notices that her head rests against the bed’s headboard. “You said you wanted to kiss me. And you did. You wrote me notes, and we... Since the beginning of term, we keep meeting. I want to do that, but that’s…” Her fingers twitch, and Lily wonders if it’s from her habit of wanting to run her fingers through her hair. Jamie must decide that in this moment, holding Lily’s hand is more important. “That’s great, but I also want to know. We don’t have to admit some deep, permanent feelings or even say what we are. I just want...”

Lily raises her eyes to Jamie’s face, but now Jamie is looking down. She shoves every nervous part of her down so she doesn’t peek over her shoulder. If anyone walks in, they’ll only see one student comforting another when she’s hurt. 

She can’t think about what other people might see. She has to think about what _Jamie_ sees.

“I like you, Jamie. I like you… probably a lot more than I should.”

Jamie’s chin jerks up. Hazel meets green, and Jamie’s eyes widen behind her spectacles. She squeezes Lily’s hand, but Lily has to keep talking now that she’s started.

“I don’t know what Pomfrey gave you for your wrist and the pain and whatever you did, but you better remember this, Potter. I like you. So much.” She lets out a scoff that almost sounds like a laugh. “When I found out you were here, I had to come. I couldn’t stand thinking about you sitting here all alone. I had to know what happened to you.”

Jamie struggles to speak at first. Finally, she adds, “Sirius and Remus and Peter were already -”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Lily almost snaps her last words, so she runs her thumb over the back of Jamie’s hand. She’s frustrated at herself more than she’s frustrated with Jamie’s apparent lack of awareness. “I don’t like you the way Sirius, Remus, and Peter like you.”

Finally, her words get through to her. 

Jamie smiles. It isn’t the silly, potions-induced smile from a few minutes ago. It’s one that Lily has never seen. She wishes she had a camera to keep it forever. 

Jamie Potter is beautiful when she smiles.

Even when her jumper is covered in mud. Even when her wrist is wrapped. Even when Lily knows she will have to interrogate her later to find out what foolish thing she tried on the Quidditch Pitch.

Jamie is absolutely, completely, and heartbreakingly beautiful.

“Now that we have that settled.” 

Lily shifts so she’s no longer sitting in her chair. She moves onto the bed with Jamie, their hips touching and starting a slow burn that travels up her skin. Rather than letting it scare her, Lily tries to let it embolden her. Jamie moves to the side without having to be told. Lily pulls her wand out of her waistband and flicks her wrist to close the curtains around Jamie’s cot. She drops her wand on the bedside table and leans against the other girl.

Like their bodies were made to fit together, Jamie rests her head on Lily’s shoulder. She sinks into the mattress to find the perfect angle, their fingers still tangled on her lap. Lily crosses her ankle over Jamie’s, even though it’s covered by the thin hospital wing blanket. She remembers Madam Pomfrey’s understanding look and thinks, at least for this moment, that they’re perfectly safe in their own little bubble.

The pleasant tingle from Jamie’s touch hovers as a pleasant simmer on every one of Lily’s nerves. It makes her feel wanted and powerful and alive.

“So tell me, Potter,” Lily says quietly, turning her head slightly to talk into Jamie’s wild hair. Jamie shivers. That’s a bolt of confidence that floods Lily’s senses. She has the power to make Jamie Potter _shiver_. “What silly thing did you try to do on your broomstick?”


	7. Gryffindor v. Slytherin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big parts of this chapter are the reason I started to write this in the first place. Excited for you to see where this story started!

There is something satisfying about sore muscles at the end of a good practice. 

Jamie has always thought that they were a sign of progress, a way of knowing that something was accomplished. Every session that ends with sore muscles means it will take a bit more work to be as tired the next time. It means she’s that much stronger. 

It’s another step closer to being a better player on a better team. 

Even before she was made captain, Jamie was known for being the player to stay on the field the longest, attempt the most throws, and ask for additional practice slots. She was the one who snuck out under the cover of her Invisibility Cloak to get in a few more tries of a play because she wasn’t sure it was perfect for Saturday’s game.

Today’s practice was one of her favorite kinds. She’s mud-streaked and tired and her legs burn, but her blood sings with it. The Gryffindor match against Slytherin is approaching, and she has every intention of being more than prepared to face off against the snakes.

“All right, everyone,” Jamie announces, clapping her hands together as a signal to release them. “If we keep playing like that, Slytherin doesn’t stand a chance!”

A few of her teammates wave their hands in muted celebration, though Jamie knows they’re more exhausted than excited at the moment. The looks on their faces show that they are looking forward to showers and beds. They’re also eager to beat Slytherin, but they don’t let Quidditch take up the space it has in Jamie’s brain. 

Most of the team ambles off the pitch and heads toward the changing rooms. Jamie gives them space to air any of their grievances without her lurking over their shoulders. It’s healthy, she decided at the beginning of the term, to let them grumble about how hard she pushes them. They can always thank her when the Quidditch Cup is in their hands.

Jamie lets them go, taking the time to strap the bludgers back into place and packing up the quaffle. She lets the practice snitch go a few times, always catching it before it goes farther than an arm’s reach, before tucking it into the proper place in the Quidditch trunk. 

Resting her broomstick against her shoulder, Jamie walks slowly toward the supply shed. She slides the trunk of practice balls into their spot, bats away some of the cobwebs, and closes the door behind her. When she emerges, some of her teammates are headed up to the castle, waving in acknowledgement.

By the time Jamie gets to the changing room, she’ll have the place to herself. When nerves about an upcoming match start to get to her, it’s one of the top places she wants to be. She can chart out plays for their upcoming game in the same place Gryffindor captains have planned for hundreds of years. 

As she gets to the door, however, something - or, more accurately, someone - catches her wrist and quickly tugs, pulling her off balance and making the end of her broom knock against her legs. It’s a bit embarrassing, really, how clumsy Jamie can be when she’s on solid ground and not in the air. Whoever caught her directs them into the thankfully empty changing room.

“Hey -”

Any protest dies on Jamie’s lips when another pair darts up to drop a peck on her cheek. Red hair tickles the side of her face and makes her even more glad that the rest of her team is on their way back to the common room. 

Lily grins, triumphant with her victory, when she pulls back to reveal herself. “Hey yourself,” she answers.

It’s because she’s tired from practice, Jamie reasons. That’s the only reason Lily, who is always in the stands instead of on the pitch, is able to catch her off guard. 

Jamie can’t deny, however, that Lily has excellent reflexes. If she wasn’t so horrified at the idea of being off the ground, Jamie thinks she would make a decent seeker.

She crosses her arms and makes a stern face but doesn’t move from under Lily’s hands, absolutely delighted that they’re on her shoulders. It hasn’t been long since the last time they saw each other, but Jamie is sure that she’ll never get tired of Lily Evans touching her.

“Lily Evans,” she says seriously, though she’s sure that her eyes give her away, “are you spying on my team?”

“If I am, I’m a shit spy.”

“Why’s that?”

“I kept staring at one of the Gryffindor chasers and couldn’t focus on the plays to report back.”

Jamie copies her grin. “Was she any good?”

“For a Gryffindor,” Lily replies with a shrug and small smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

Jamie isn’t one to let a comment like that stand. 

She moves forward, her broom still nestled against the crook of her elbow, and slips her fingers under the hem of Lily’s jumper. Lily leans into the touch and tilts her head back to help Jamie close the few inches of space between them. 

They both hear the door at the same time. 

Lily jumps, breaking the kiss with a bite that is more of an accident than a tease. Jamie makes a soft sound of protest, tracing her lip with her tongue to assess the damage. 

She doesn’t have much time. Thankfully, she knows the room, since she’s come here after nearly every practice and match since she made the Gryffindor team. Jamie grabs Lily’s hand and pulls them into the closest shower stall, cursing her teammates under her breath as she hears the door shut. 

“Where did Potter go?”

“I saw her headed this way a few minutes ago. Maybe she packed up already?”

The other person laughs. “And miss a chance to run plays in her head again before Saturday?” 

The girl who has occupied more of her thoughts since fifth year than Jamie should ever admit is pressed up against her, but Jamie can’t even enjoy it properly. Two people are talking over each other only a few feet away, clearly oblivious to the secret meeting they interrupted. 

Lily moves in her hold, eyes wide. “Can they see...?”

Jamie puts a finger over her lips but quickly softens the action by moving her hand aside to kiss Lily lightly. Lily hums against her mouth, though Jamie pulls away before they can make it more serious. She knows how distracted a kiss from Lily Evans can make her.

She needs to be alert.

“Maybe she had a hot date,” one of the voices in the main room says. “I heard her and Black -”

“That’s rubbish,” the other interrupts.

There’s a short pause where Jamie suspects that the first person is shrugging. “I dunno. They spend a lot of time together.”

“Did you see her during practice?” Another laugh. “I can’t imagine Potter letting some snogging distract her from Quidditch.”

Despite the need to be quiet in their current position, Lily joins the laughter. Luckily, she muffles it against Jamie’s neck, but that sends a flutter of nerves down Jamie’s spine from the place where Lily’s lips brush against her skin. Lily must feel her shiver, because she presses herself closer and slides her fingers under Jamie’s practice robes. 

_The Slytherin prat,_ Jamie thinks. 

_She’s absolutely perfect._

Fate isn’t totally on their side, though, when two bodies and a broomstick are too many things in too small of a space. Jamie’s foot slips, and she narrowly catches herself with a combination of Lily’s hand and the wall. Her broom clatters to the ground, echoing when it hits tile.

“What was that?”

“I’m in the shower!” Jamie calls, saying the first thing that comes to mind to stop them from investigating. It’s not a lie, but Jamie suspects that this might be one of those times her mother warned him about not telling the whole truth. Really, it’s better if her teammates - and her mother - don’t know that a Slytherin snuck into the changing room to distract her.

“Potter?”

“Jamie!” Lily hisses. She moves onto her toes, as if that will make the extra set of feet in the stall less obvious. 

A voice from the main room starts to get closer. “Have you been here the whole time?” 

“Yeah,” Jamie answers, doing her best to keep her voice natural, like she’s doing exactly what they expect her to be doing. “You should go on. I’ll be awhile.”

“Are you okay?”

“Um,” the other voice says, “I don’t hear the water.”

Cursing under her breath, Jamie fumbles for the knob on the wall, mind screaming that they’re already suspicious. She’s still in her practice robes and Lily is in her muggle clothes, but Jamie can only handle one anxiety-inducing thing at a time. The first time she takes her pants off in front of Lily is not going to be because two of her teammates are standing right outside the door.

Lily whispers urgently, “They can’t see -”

A stream of water from above cuts her off, making her gasp. 

Jamie hopes the shower is loud enough to cover it. For good measure, she kisses Lily as the lukewarm water makes their clothes stick to their skin. She tries to adjust the temperature with one hand, but Lily is the most distracting thing she knows. Jamie gives up to tangle her hand in her hair. 

She’ll warm her up in other ways.

Jamie lets the water keep running over them until she’s sure the other players have left. Of course, she has no complaints about the excuse to keep her hands on Lily, entertaining themselves so they aren’t tempted to talk and give away their hiding spot.

Hopefully, she is the only one to hear Lily’s delicious gasp when Jamie’s lips find the sensitive skin of her neck.

Once the footsteps fade and it is otherwise quiet, the knob is easier to find. Jamie turns off the water with a twist of her wrist.

Laughing softly, Lily pulls away. 

If anyone saw her, the kiss-swollen lips and rising mark above her jumper would give away how she spent the last few minutes. Her hair is a wet tangle, like she was caught in a sudden and complete downpour. Truly, she was, even if the weather isn’t to blame. 

“This is what I get for surprising you? I thought it was a nice, romantic gesture.”

“It was,” Jamie assures her, comforted by the fact that her words are teasing and hidden behind a smile. “Maybe it’s not what you planned, but I thought this was pretty nice.”

Lily nods, pulling her hair to one side and trying to wring out some of the water. “Not exactly what I had in mind,” she confirms, “but I’m also not complaining. I am going to freeze, though. How do I explain that I got completely soaked on a clear day?”

“I can fix that.” 

Reaching into the pocket of her robes and lifting her wand, Jamie casts a non-verbal charm with a complicated wave. She points the hot air that blows out of the tip toward Lily, adding to the steam in the room as her clothes start to dry. Once she’s sure that Lily isn’t going to catch hypothermia on the trip from the pitch to her common room, she turns the wand on herself. 

The kissed lips and neck are still there, but she’s less inclined to hide those.

“There. Plus, I’ll make it up to you, Evans,” Jamie promises, leaning forward to kiss her again. “I’ll come up with something grand and romantic.”

Lily smiles against her mouth. “You better, Potter.”

With the newly-empty locker room and a stack of homework that can be put off for another day waiting in her dormitory, Jamie decides that, at this moment, nothing and no one needs her attention more than Lily Evans.

\--

The game comes both too quickly and not soon enough. 

It comes too quickly because, as Saturday approaches, Jamie’s free time is completely overtaken by Quidditch practice and remembering essays that need to be done. She often leaves things for the last minute, but a detention can’t get in the way of her being on the pitch. 

Not this weekend.

Days stretch between their chances for playful banter and teasing snogging sessions as more eyes linger on one of the school’s biggest Quidditch stars and her mounting responsibility. Even if people weren’t watching her more closely, Lily knows her dedication would prevent Jamie from spending as much time with her as she would like. 

Lily is selfish, but she’s not that selfish. 

The feeling that is building in her chest makes her want to see Jamie thriving and happy. She wants that even more than she wants an opportunity to keep her to herself. Quidditch practice gives Jamie a pleasant flush like nothing else can, and she will regret it if she lets anything get in her way of playing her best. 

The game doesn’t come soon enough because, as it inches closer, Lily misses Jamie more and more. Once this is over, she can’t wait for a whole day when they can come up with a few excuses and find a secluded part of the castle to make up for lost time. 

After taking care not to let Cornelia know that Lily still remembers her comments, she thinks they may have faded into the background. They talk about nothing over homework in the common room. They go to class. They sit together for dinner, and Lily pretends to believe Cornelia when she acts like Avery’s lack of initiative in their relationship doesn’t bother her.

Lily suspects that Cornelia has a few more things up her sleeve, but she lets herself relax. School is easier with friends. 

On the highly-anticipated morning, Lily finds the most obnoxiously green things she owns and gets dressed. She doesn’t even look at the Gryffindor table over breakfast, not wanting to give anyone a reason to accuse her of messing with them or giving Jamie a reason to be distracted.

Even though she wants Slytherin to win, Lily wants Jamie to be the one who shines.

The members of both teams leave the Great Hall first. After giving them enough time to start getting ready, the rest of the school follows, excitedly throwing around their predictions for the match ahead of them.

“You think Potter’s losing her edge?” Avery muses aloud as they shuffle down the hill, following the rest of the crowd.

“Maybe,” Cornelia replies, tightening her hold on Avery’s hand so their arms brush together.

Lily scoffs.

“What was that, Evans?”

“Nothing,” she answers, adjusting her scarf into place and determinedly not looking at them.

“Are you rooting for Gryffindor now?”

She stops herself from rolling her eyes, knowing it won’t help matters. “If you haven’t noticed, Avery, I’m wearing green. Of course, I’m cheering for Slytherin. That doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to pretend that Gryffindor doesn’t have a chaser who might be the best in the whole school.”

Mulciber nearly sneers. “Did Sirius Black tell you to say that?” 

“No, I can see it for myself.”

“You have been getting pretty cozy with Black.”

“I’m not talking about Black,” Lily argues. “Potter is -”

“No matter what he tells you, Evans, you’re always going to come second to his favorite bitch.”

“You’re repulsive,” Lily answers firmly, tilting her chin back. She lengthens her stride enough to pull in front of them and quiet some of the angry buzzing in her head.

“Lily!”

She ignores the first few attempts of someone calling her name, determined to find a place in the stands where she can try to watch the game in relative peace. The rival stands aren’t exactly an option with her current attire. 

“Lily,” Severus says again, catching her elbow. “Ignore him. I know you’d never -”

“That’s the most important thing you got from that?” Lily snaps, spinning on Severus and yanking her arm out of his grasp. “Not the fact that your friend has absolutely no respect for women? For me? That he assumes everyone is just as vile as he is?”

“You’re not actually defending Sirius Black, are you?” Severus answers. 

“This isn’t about Sirius Black. This is about our pathetic excuses for housemates and the disgusting things you’re perfectly all right with them saying.”

“Of course, it’s not all right for him to talk to you like that,” Severus says. Lily wonders vaguely if this is the first time he’s actually said that bit out loud to her, the first time he’s acknowledged that she sees every day. “But everyone knows Black -”

“Even if it was true,” Lily cuts in, “who cares? It sounds like his own business.” 

“Not if he’s dragging you into it. Prancing you around the school like -”

Lily gapes at him, crossing her arms firmly. “I’m not a doll someone can drag along when they please.”

“Him and Potter strut around the school like they own it,” Severus continues, like she hasn’t tried to interrupt him. “I don’t want to see you made a fool of. By now you should know what kind of people they are.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I don’t have to limit who I talk to, Severus, because you think you’re a better judge of character than me.”

“You want to talk to them?” His features twist. “You want to spend time with the kind of people who turn you against your actual friends?”

“That,” she answers stubbornly, “sounds more like you. You have some sick vendetta against them that means you have to control whether I even look at them, like you think -”

“You think that’s what this is?” He tries to rearrange his expression, but Lily knows he is practically bursting. His hands curl into fists at his sides and the red spots on his cheeks give away the extent of his anger. “Don’t you remember what they’ve done to me?”

“I also remember a fair amount that you did to them.”

With that, she turns back to the stands and takes off, barely containing herself from running to the top where most people will be too tired to join her. She takes the stairs two at a time, finding an empty spot to sit by herself and watching the small red and green figures start to line up on either side of the field. 

Severus, wisely, sits a few rows in front of her, clearly deciding that trying to engage right now would not let either of them win. 

She is just fine sitting alone. 

That means their housemates can’t keep whispering comments to each other, getting louder with every sentence so they can sneak glances at her to figure out exactly when she realizes that they are talking about her.

Here, with nothing but the whispers of the wind around her and the echo of the commentator’s voice, she can enjoy the game in peace.

The players form their lines and take off from the ground. Gryffindor gets the first possession, and then everything moves quickly. Both teams treat this game like the final, not willing to give up a point if it can be avoided.

Lily lets herself think about the game and nothing else. She follows the players and tries to anticipate their plays. She keeps her eyes on the balls in play while also scanning for the glint of gold that will end the match. When a shimmer catches her eye, Lily tries to determine if she managed to see the Snitch or was fooled by a trick of the light.

It might be right there, if someone could only -

“Hey, Evans!” 

Her attention is pulled immediately from the possibility of the Snitch. 

A Gryffindor player stops directly in front of the Slytherin stands, contrasting sharply with the emerald and silver that color this section. In scarlet robes that snap behind her, Jamie Potter looks like she could conquer the world.

So what is she doing, halting the highly anticipated Slytherin versus Gryffindor match-up to call out to a member of her opposing team’s cheering section?

“I have a question for you!” Jamie shouts as if the entire school hasn’t taken their eyes off what _was_ a game to stare at her. 

Lily is staring too with her mouth open. 

Petunia would wrinkle her nose and make some comment about catching flies, if she could see. Her sister isn’t here, but she can feel the weight of everyone who isn’t looking at Jamie looking at _her_. The judgment from her classmates, humor from the Gryffindors, and confusion from the yellow and blue sections.

“Aren’t you busy right now?” she answers, voice a little strained and practically yelling to be heard over the murmurs of the crowd and whistling wind.

Jamie, quaffle tucked under one arm, waves her other hand dismissively. She doesn’t even flinch at the idea of being so far off the ground without holding onto anything, but Lily’s stomach twists at the thought. 

“Reg can wait.” Jamie whips her head around, wild hair flying, to find the Slytherin seeker. “Can’t you, Reggie?” 

On the other side of the field, Regulus Black pulls his broom to a stop and glares, eyebrows drawn together in an expression Lily has caught a hundred times when Sirius has his back turned. He doesn’t bother to reply, already used to barbs from Potter and knowing that trying to answer never works. 

Jamie turns back to her with a grin. “He can wait.”

The rest of Potter’s team hovers uncertainly, glancing between each other, torn between laughing and cursing their captain. One of the beaters bats a bludger away from everyone else on the field, assisting in Jamie’s efforts to halt the game completely.

A few of the Slytherin players group together at the far end of the pitch, grumbling and arguing about what they should do. 

“Get back to the game, Potter,” Lily says, face warming as blood rushes to her cheeks. She presses her hands, which are covered in green fingerless gloves that match the streaks of paint on the high points of her cheeks, against them like it’s the cold bothering her instead of the way her heartbeat starts to race.

Even from her place in the stands, Lily can see the way the thrill of playing and doing something unexpected makes Jamie’s whole being light up from the inside. In the high sunlight that peaks from behind a cloud, the gold flecks in her hazel eyes shine. She steadies her broom and tosses her hair, the dark waves catching some of the sunlight.

“I will,” Jamie allows with an easy grin. 

It’s like they’re talking over a table rather than over a dozen feet away from each other with one of them mid-air. Jamie’s eyes don’t leave Lily’s. When she is the only target of Jamie’s undivided attention in the middle of a Quidditch game, Lily’s heartbeat moves into her throat and she understands some of the thrill of floating above everyone else. 

“Yeah?” Lily poses, unsure if Jamie can actually hear her over all of the other sounds and Lily’s dry throat.

Jamie grins, all confidence. “I will if you go out with me, Evans.”

Lily bites her lower lip to stop herself from smiling. 

This is one of those bold gestures that belongs in books and not her actual life. The kind of thing she would read about and never imagine actually happening to her. It belongs to people who are allowed to do these kinds of things. People who are allowed to date each other openly and for anyone to see.

Both of them know that they aren’t those people for about a million different reasons. 

Someone scoffs loudly, and she doesn’t have to look to know who it is. A burst of anger wipes away the simple joy of the moment and makes her want to scream. 

If a hundred things were different, people would be talking about this moment for years to come. It would be remembered fondly as the romantic gesture of a lovesick teenager who couldn’t keep her feelings to herself.

Lily knows the kind of rumors and comments this will cause when given to the wrong people. Part of her wants to shy away and prevent it from ever touching her, while another part wants to yell until they all understand how stupid their bigotry really is.

She isn’t sure which part of her will or even should win.

A whisper starts to pass through the crowd from student to student. 

Lily speaks over them in a clear voice. “I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid.”

“Bad luck, Prongs!” Sirius calls from the red and gold section, his voice amplified in the momentary silence. 

An uneasy chuckle ripples through the Gryffindor crowd as if they’re on hold with their reactions. The team sways on their brooms, keeping their muscles active for the moment they’ll jump back into action. On Lily’s side of the pitch, students in green start to elbow each other, jeering and whispering behind their hands to neighbors.

Jamie’s expression doesn’t change, but she lifts a hand to fluff the back of her hair. “It’s like that?”

“Yeah, it’s like that,” Lily replies, the hint of a smile peeking through despite her best efforts to maintain neutrality. She knits her fingers together and rocks forward onto her toes. “At least the squid isn’t a Gryffindor.”

A ringing laugh trails after Jamie as she jerks her broom to one side without warning and streaks to the end of the field. Before the keeper in green notices her coming, Jamie draws her hand back and throws the quaffle through the center hoop. She pumps her fist in the air, and spins to face the crowd. The Gryffindor section lets out a cheer while Sirius raises his arms and poorly conducts an out-of-tune melody. 

While the other chasers line up their next play, Jamie finds Lily in the stands again. “That was for you,” she mouths with a wink. 

With the weight of only one stare on her, Lily bites her lower lip but doesn’t let it mask her smile.

Jamie’s attention is captured by the game a second later when she swerves so a bludger narrowly misses her shoulder. She takes off in pursuit of the quaffle, shouting an insult to one of the Slytherin beaters, before she can see Lily hide behind her hands. 

\--

Once the match is over, Lily doesn’t make it away from the stands before she hears the voice behind her. In a moment, they’re separated from the crowd and he’s pouring as much disgust as he can into three words.

“What was that?”

With increasing frequency, Lily has kept him at a careful distance. There was something to be said of their friendship when they were alone in Cokeworth, but Hogwarts is different. Here, it’s harder to ignore what he must talk about when she isn’t around.

Lily turns in place, carefully forcing her expression to remain neutral and controlled. 

“Excuse me?”

“What was that stunt with Potter?”

“Oh, that?” Lily answers. “It was a joke, Severus. Maybe you’ve heard of them? They’re something friends do.”

Severus’ brow twitches, showing that her comment hit its mark. She stops herself from grinning with some self-satisfaction. “So now you’re friends with Potter?”

“Am I not allowed to have friends?”

“That’s not what I said.” The rest of their house passes by, lost in their own conversations and leaving Lily and Severus behind. “If you made an effort, some of _our_ house could -”

“I don’t think they have a problem with me because I don’t make an _effort_ ,” Lily answers, scoffing. “I can be friends with whoever I want, and I have no interest in being friends with the newest Death Eater recruits.”

“It’s not -” Severus shakes his head, knowing this is a fight they’ve been over more times than either of them can count. He must decide it’s a loss. “But her, Lily? Everyone thinks she’s so great, but she’s just -”

Lily shrugs, cutting him off and not willing to tell him any more than she has to. “I don’t see how it matters to you.” She doesn’t owe him anything, she reminds herself. She doesn’t have to share that Jamie is the only person she really feels like herself around anymore. That time with Jamie is the light at the end of each tunnel that keeps her going. 

“It matters what people will say with you betraying your house and hanging around people like that. People like Potter and Black, who are -”

“Blood traitors?” she offers, practically spitting the word. “If you remember, Severus, I’m just a filthy little mudblood.”

“I didn’t mean -” he tries, verbally backtracking and taking a step closer. He puts a hand on her forearm in a gesture he must think is comforting. It’s the opposite of what she wants. “I just don’t want to see you made a fool of.”

Lily jerks away from him, the sensation of spiders crawling on her skin following from where he touched her. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“I’m simply -”

“Well, don’t,” Lily answers bluntly. 

Before he can say anything else, she spins on her heel and storms off, hoping the metaphorical storm clouds brewing over her head are enough to make him keep his distance. Her good mood from the flush Jamie brought to her cheeks or the chance to see an exciting Quidditch match fades with every step.

Until another hand finds her wrist.

Her impulse is to pull away, but she makes herself look first. This hand, unlike the other, is soothing on her wrist, running a thumb over her hammering pulse. Her eyes follow the line of the arm, meeting the question in the other girl’s eyes.

“Is this a good time?”

“God, yes,” Lily answers, letting Jamie pull her under the stands where they won’t be seen.

Jamie’s lips are on hers as soon as they’re away from any lingering eyes. It makes Lily feel like she’s the one who won the match. 

Tugging Jamie closer to her, Lily welcomes the sweetness of everything else leaving her mind. Jamie is the only important thing at this moment. She’s the only thing Lily wants to think or see or taste or touch.

The kiss isn’t long enough, but Lily stops herself from following Jamie’s mouth when she pulls away. Instead, she notes the sparkle in the other girl’s eyes. She loves the way the dark red of her robes brings out the Quidditch flush on her cheeks. Jamie is always beautiful, but she’s especially beautiful when she’s glowing like this.

Their foreheads touch. Jamie’s smile is contagious, so Lily can’t help but mirror it. 

“Did you like the match?”

“‘Course I did.” Lily rises briefly onto her toes to kiss the tip of Jamie’s nose. “You’ve been practicing your Sloth Grip Roll. This time, I didn’t have a mini panic that I’d have to watch McGonagall scrapping you off the pitch.”

“Observant, knows about Quidditch, _and_ gorgeous? How did I manage to snag _this_ girl?” 

“Must be that spectacular playing you just did. Girls always go for the sports hero.” Lily nudges Jamie’s glasses into position. “Those cute frames don’t hurt either.”

Jamie inclines her head like she would bow if Lily gave her enough room. She must know that Lily isn’t willing to let go of her yet, so she doesn’t try to pull away. “Anything to make your watching more enjoyable.”

“And you didn’t mind the extra points it got you,” Lily replies, unable to stop grinning. “Although, you also didn’t seem to mind taking a break in the middle of the game either.”

“Keeping things interesting.” Jamie’s voice is light, but she lifts a hand to ruffle her hair. It’s how Lily knows that under her proud bravo of confidence, Jamie can be just as nervous as Lily. Maybe she’s worried that she’s crossed the line and done something too loud and reckless. 

“What was that about?” Lily slips her fingers under the sleeves of Jamie’s robes and moves them up her arm slowly so she knows she isn’t in trouble. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Jamie leans into her touch. “What was that about going out with the giant squid?”

“Maybe I’ll give him a chance. I’ve heard he’s quite the romantic.”

“Ah.” Jamie doesn’t look impressed. 

“Moonlit walks along the lake, visits by the window in my common room, lazy days on the beach…”

“I don’t know,” Jamie replies, her forehead creasing in mock-thoughtfulness. She lifts her hand to trace the side of Lily’s face with her knuckle. “He doesn’t seem like your type.”

“And what is my type?”

Jamie grins, back in her element. “Witty, charming, and… What did you say at the party? A ‘big quidditch hero?’ How about someone like that?”

Lily laughs and shoves Jamie’s shoulder, but it lacks force. Her fingers stay against her skin. “Do you know any of those?” she asks, moving Jamie’s hand to her waist.

“A few.” Jamie tucks some hair behind her ear with her other hand and lingers by her cheek, fingertips tracing the curve. Her thumb swipes at the paint, smudging the green and silver together. “If you look this good in green, Evans, just imagine you in red.”

“Who says I can’t root for both teams?” 

Jamie presses a kiss to her forehead and hums against Lily’s skin. She moves, gently peppering kisses along the side of her face. “You look pretty Slytherin to me.” Jamie slips her fingers under Lily’s scarf to pull it away from her neck and replaces the stolen warmth with her lips. Lily giggles, twisting her fingers into Jamie’s Quidditch robes to tug her closer.

“Am I distracting you? Shouldn’t you be celebrating with your teammates?”

Jamie doesn’t pull away from her neck. “Would you come to that party?”

Lily isn’t sure if it’s an actual invitation. A minor chill makes her shudder, though she blames the way Jamie is still kissing her. “I don’t think that would go over too well, considering which team you just beat.”

Shaking her head, Jamie answers. “They won’t care about that. Might even make the party extra exciting, having a snake in our midst.”

“It’s not a good idea,” Lily says more seriously. “Someone’s bound to suspect something, and we can’t let them know...” 

Jamie’s lips still for an amount of time that feels like minutes but is probably only seconds. The air is heavy like the moment after hearing bad news. 

Lily tightens her grip on Jamie’s robes and wonders, not for the first time, if she’s said something wrong enough to ruin everything. If she’s revealed too much. If she’s asking for too much. If she’s cracked through the thin layer of ice they skate as _them_.

“Then I have to be here.” 

Lily lets out a sigh of relief and melts a bit more against the other girl. “I’m glad you are.” 

Her blood pounds loudly in her ears as Jamie goes back to her previous task. She trails a few kisses under her chin, finding the sensitive skin that makes Lily hold onto her more tightly. 

“It’s barely a party without you there, Evans.”

An answer starts to form, but it’s blocked by the feeling of glue in her throat and guilt in her thoughts. “I’m sorry,” Lily whispers. 

Jamie pulls away, her forehead creased in confusion. Her hand in Lily’s hair makes it hard to look away, though she’s grateful. It’s probably the worst thing she could do, but she might be enough of a coward to try.

“What are you sorry about? Rooting for your own house team? I give you a hard time, Evans, but it’s all right.”

“No,” Lily replies. She presses the fabric of Jamie’s robes between her fingers. “About all of this. Sneaking around. Kissing where no one can see. Skipping parties with your friends to stay with me. It’s not fair. If you were with someone else -”

“That?” Jamie moves her lips back to Lily’s neck. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’d rather sneak away with you than kiss anyone else in the middle of the Great Hall.”

Lily doesn’t quite believe her, but she has to hold onto what she has while she still has it. “You mean that?”

Jamie must detect something in her voice, because she moves back, taking care to meet Lily’s eyes again. Her fingers move gently through Lily’s hair. She can’t remember another time when someone held her so carefully, like she is something precious. Her fingers move down her cheek. She puts a finger under Lily’s chin and tilts it so she can’t miss what she has to say. 

“I solemnly swear.”


	8. Spring

Over the next week, the professors must be conspiring to keep everyone away from the things that make their lives fun. Lily knows their exams are coming up at the end of the year, but did everyone have to decide to assign their biggest projects of the year at the same time? 

Almost all of her free time - if it can even be called that - is spent in the library. The common room is fine for light studying, but that won’t do with her current workload. 

Besides, she’s not the most welcome presence there at the moment. 

Lily spreads out at a table in the back where no one will find or bother her. Between the stack of books on one side and a pile of discarded crumples of parchment on the other, she’s bound to write the perfect essay. Soon, preferably.

For the past few days, she’s spent time in the library rather than going back to her common room or dormitory. She goes there to sleep, but it isn’t as comforting as it once was. Honestly, Lily doesn’t remember ever spending this much time in the library, even when O.W.L.s were coming up.

Or maybe she now notices the time slip away because she has somewhere else she would rather be.

With a frustrated sigh, Lily drags a hand through her hair and scratches out her last written paragraph. Why did she ever decide N.E.W.T. Level Transfiguration was a good idea? She should have accepted that she was average at best in the subject. She should have had the wisdom to not take _every_ N.E.W.T. class she could. If she didn’t have this stupid assignment, she could be -

“Why are you hiding?”

In the midst of her Transfiguration haze, the shock of someone actually trying to talk to her makes her start. Her hand knocks over an inkpot, and the ink splatters over her current pitiful essay draft before she can save it. 

Why do wizards insist on using this stuff instead of pens? If she didn’t get such dirty looks from her housemates, she would probably stuff a few in her bag and forget about this quill nonsense.

Lily turns the inkpot upright again. “I’m not hiding,” she counters as she pulls out her wand to save what she can of the essay. 

“So you always hang out in the back corner of the library alone?”

Perhaps she makes too much of a show while trying to put everything back in order. Once her workspace is reasonably settled, Lily’s eyes dart up to the other person. The voice gave her away, but Lily swallows when she actually sees the other girl.

Jamie leans against a bookshelf, her arms crossed over her chest. 

She’s wearing an aggressively Gryffindor scarlet jumper that’s too big for her. Lily knows from the fit that it’s one of Sirius’ that he bought specifically to annoy his brother. 

No wonderhalf the school thinks Potter is involved with her best friend. It isn’t so far fetched when she’s dressed like this. Jamie, proud as always, has enough confidence to wear someone else’s clothes like they are her own. 

Probably because she knows just how good she looks in them. 

Lily’s eyes travel past the hem of the jumper to muggle jeans that are _not_ too big for her. She almost does a comical double take to confirm what she sees. When she lifts her gaze with a blush, Lily notices that Jamie’s glasses are approaching the end of her nose, but she doesn’t make a move to correct that. It makes Lily want to push the frames up herself.

“I’m studying,” Lily replies. She attempts to keep it cool, but she can hear a squeak in her voice. 

Jamie raises her eyebrows and nods, but she doesn’t press. Instead, she pushes herself off the bookshelf and pulls out the chair across from Lily. “Mind if I sit?”

“Did you want to study too?” Lily asks the question before she can stop herself. Her thoughts are racing around like Jamie on her broom. “I mean -”

She detects the suggestion of laughter behind Jamie’s specs. “Sure.” She looks around and gives an exaggerated sigh. “But I guess I forgot my books.”

Lily smiles, despite the buzzing in her head. “That might make studying hard.”

“Do you have any other ideas?”

Since seeing those jeans, Lily has about a million. She has to stay _a little_ cool, though. They have a bit of flirty banter going. She can work with that. She can play along and say something that will make Jamie stay. 

_Confidence, Evans,_ she tells herself. It shouldn’t be that hard. She already knows this girl likes her. They’ve said as much to each other. So why is her mind acting like she’s a nervous fan meeting her celebrity crush? 

Jamie is just a girl. Just a girl who plays Quidditch like every game is the World Cup and whispers too loudly when she sneaks around the castle. Just a girl Lily has kissed. Just a girl who is wearing -

“Could we go to your dorm?” 

_That’s_ what she could come up with?

Jamie’s eyes widen.

Lily scrambles to save it. “I didn’t mean - not that I don’t like… I mean, I-I just meant…” She lets out a breath and twists her hands together under the table. “Okay. No. Let me start over. Is there somewhere we can be alone?” Her eyes widen to match Jamie’s. “Not to - not that I don’t like... I like that stuff. But I was hoping we could… talk?” 

Behind her glasses, Jamie’s eyes switch from shocked to amused. Laughing at her, admittedly, is a better reaction than what Lily feared from her botched attempt at flirtation. 

“‘Course, Evans. We can talk.”

Jamie helps her sweep textbooks and parchment into her bag. She takes a careful few seconds to make sure the inkpot is safely tucked in the outside pocket so it won’t shatter all over her things. The thoughtfulness gives Lily a warm feeling in her chest that makes her wonder just how far gone she is for this girl.

_Pull it together, Evans._

With her friends, Jamie has probably explored every nook and cranny of this castle. They’ve likely seen more of the place than anyone else, so it doesn’t surprise Lily that Jamie knows exactly where to go.

They end up in an empty room that isn’t large enough for a class or small enough to be a cupboard. When they sit on either side of a shared desk, their knees knock together. Lily nudges Jamie’s knee with her own and pushes her bag into the corner. 

Sure, she has more schoolwork than she knows how to handle, but she’s not stupid. She’s not going to miss a chance to spend time with…

Her mind searches for the right term for whatever Jamie is to her.

For all the times they’ve managed to sneak away together, they haven’t exactly defined what this is. It is something, isn’t it? 

They said they liked each other at the Gryffindor party. In the hospital wing, Lily didn’t confess everything, but she pushed close to the boundaries of her comfort. Since then, time and kisses and stolen moments have passed between them.

It’s definitely not just fooling around for Lily. It can’t be that way for Jamie either, she tells herself. They don’t _act_ like they’re fooling around.

Not that Lily would even know what acting like that would be.

Was Jamie’s teasing at the last game really the only time she’s asked her out?

“What are we?” Again, Lily’s inability to contain herself strikes. Once the thoughts go around enough times in her head, they have to come out.

“What?”

No wonder Jamie doesn’t know what she’s saying. Lily has barely made sense since Jamie appeared by her table in the library. 

Lily might as well finish what she started.

“This. Us.” Lily gestures in the space between them. “It’s something. Something special, at least to me. I think we should… define it. Maybe. So we know that we’re on the same page?”

Now Jamie’s blushing too. It makes Lily squirm in embarrassment but also helps her realize that she isn’t the only one struggling with this. 

If she wants this to work (and, yes, she absolutely wants it to work), she has to be all right with the uncomfortable bits. Not talking about them leads to the worst parts of the romance novels hidden in the bottom of her trunk. 

Maybe, somehow, this conversation will go well enough that they get to snog at the end.

Jamie clears her throat. She tries to speak once but has to try a second time before she manages to say anything. “What page do you think we’re on?”

“A good one,” Lily supplies, knowing that doesn’t exactly answer the question. Jamie doesn’t say anything but her knee is still pressed against Lily’s, so she continues. “Obviously, I like you. A lot. And not just because I like snogging you, though I’m sure you know I like that too.” She tries a smile to lighten the mood of the room and reaches across the desk to take Jamie’s hand.

After a short glance at their hands, Jamie weaves their fingers together. “You’re important to me,” she says quietly. Her hazel eyes meet Lily’s green ones, and they root her in the spot. “I meant what I said about spending time with you. You’re… not like anyone else in my life.”

Lily nods because she understands. She knows their situations aren’t the same (Jamie has Sirius, Remus, and Peter, while Lily wonders who she has anymore), but Jamie isn’t like anyone else in her life either.

“For me, it’s…” Lily struggles to find the right words. “I know this part isn’t true for you, and that’s okay. Really, it is.” She looks down, not quite willing to meet Jamie’s eyes. “But you’re… you’re my best friend, Jamie.”

Jamie squeezes her hand. Lily takes it as a sign to keep going. 

“You’re who I want to talk to whenever anything happens. You’re the first person I want to tell. I catch myself looking at you, and... You’re who I think of when I wake up. I’m always trying to figure out how we can spend more time together. Jamie, you make me _happy_.” She regains the nerve to look Jamie in the eye, so she does it. “My point is, I really like what’s happening and think we should be clear about what we want to be.”

“Lily,” Jamie answers softly, lifting a hand to trace the line of Lily’s jaw with her fingertips. “I think about you so much that McKinnon keeps asking me about what is so distracting at practice. When you’re around, it’s like I forget about everything else, but I’m so happy about it that I don’t even mind. Sirius might be my best mate, but you _are_ one of my best friends.” 

Her lips move into a smile, but her heart is beating too loudly for her to speak. The world narrows to Jamie and the spark that starts where their skin meets. 

Jamie’s thumb almost brushes Lily’s bottom lip, making her suppress a shudder. “Would you also want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Lily answers, fully grinning. “Yes. Of course.”

That answer is one of the easiest she’s ever had to give.

Lily isn’t sure which of them is the first to lean across the desk to meet the other, but it doesn’t matter. 

She’s kissing her _girlfriend_.

\--

Even though the events shouldn’t be connected, Lily’s conversation with Jamie gives her a new boost. They only get a few chances to exchange glances, but they’re enough. For the next few days, it’s almost like she’s floating. The essays are easier, and the work doesn’t seem so daunting. 

For the first time all week, Lily sits in her common room with the intention of relaxing. 

“I’m surprised you’re still here.”

With her legs over the arm of one of their common room’s chairs and her back against the other, Lily looks up from her book. “Where else would I be?”

“I don’t know,” Cornelia says. Her tone, however, suggests that she has a few ideas. “I haven’t seen you around as much anymore. Haven’t you been spending time with some of the other houses?”

Lily nearly bites her tongue so she doesn’t respond too quickly. If she isn’t careful, she could regret a few wrong words. 

“I have,” she allows. “I don’t see why it matters, though. This is still my common room, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

A few beats of silence pass, but Lily is still uneasy. She keeps her finger marking her spot in the book rather than returning to the text. 

“Did you want to talk about something, Cornelia?”

“Not really.” Cornelia’s mouth turns up in a way that can’t mean anything good. She flips her hair back from her face and goes to leave. Before she gets out of hearing range, Cornelia turns her head over her shoulder with a smirk. 

“Oh,” she says offhand, like the information doesn’t really matter, “did you hear about Macdonald?”

A pit starts in Lily’s stomach. Every part of this is wrong. It’s too familiar. Cornelia is using the same tone she adopted when Jamie was sitting in the Hospital Wing. 

It’s not an accident. It can’t be.

Nothing Cornelia does is an accident. 

“What are you talking about?”

One shoulder lifts in a casual shrug. The corner of her mouth becomes all the more worrying. “I heard there was a little… mishap.”

That sends an unpleasant shock down Lily’s spine. “What should I have heard?”

“I don’t know the details,” Cornelia says. Lily doubts her immediately. “All I know is that something happened in the corridor by the Potions classroom. I don’t know why Macdonald was even down there, but Avery said -”

“What happened, Cornelia?” Lily asks more firmly. “Is Mary hurt?”

“Like I said,'' Cornelia returns, a little testy, “I don’t know all that happened. The boys are all okay, thankfully, but they took Macdonald to the Hospital Wing.”

Lily tosses her book aside and stands abruptly. She can’t give herself the luxury of thinking about what this looks like or what Cornelia thinks. 

What does it matter? Cornelia is already suspicious. Being friends with Mary isn’t the worst thing Lily is doing, going by Cornelia’s rules. If Avery and Mulciber are involved, and Mary is sitting in the Hospital Wing, it can’t be anything good. 

How can she sit here when anything could have happened? 

“Thank you for the information,” Lily says quickly. “I have to go.”

“Lily, are you even worried about -”

Without looking back, Lily shuts the common room door behind her and takes off down the hall in a sprint. Partway down the corridor, her heroic entrance is halted when she nearly crashes into another person. Lily pulls back in time to see Severus’ wide eyes. A second late, once they widen with recognition, Severus puts a hand out to catch her arm.

“Lily, are you...?”

“What happened?” she demands. Lily jerks her arm out of his grasp and holds her wrist over her chest. “Is Cornelia full of nonsense or did something happen?”

His moment of hesitation says more than any of his words will. 

Lily’s stomach sinks even further. 

“It’s not that bad,” Severus says. “Mulciber has a few scratches, but it’s all minor. He only stopped by the Hospital Wing to get checked out because -”

“Because what?”

“Because Macdonald attacked him like some muggle,” Severus answers sharply. 

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’ I don’t know. I don’t understand Gryffindors.”

“This isn’t about Gryffindor or Slytherin,” Lily replies impatiently. “Why did she have to scratch him? What did he do?”

“He didn’t -”

“I don’t believe that for a minute.” 

Severus’ mouth stays open for a few beats too long. He closes it finally, meeting her eyes and matching her fierce expression. Something between them cracks in the silence. It’s a challenge, and Lily doesn’t lower her eyes or back down.

Slowly, Severus takes a long breath in and out through his nose. “You don’t believe me?”

Lily crosses her arms and straightens her shoulders. “I don’t believe Mary attacked someone for no reason.” 

“Those are our friends you’re talking about, you know,” Severus says. “I would think you would give them a chance.”

“Severus,” Lily says, letting some chill enter her tone. This has gone on long enough. “I’ve given them a chance. I’ve given them so many chances. You know I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging round with. They might be in our house, but they aren’t friends to me.” 

“So it’s all his fault?” Severus scoffs. “That’s what you think? Without even pretending to hear the whole story?” 

“I know enough,” Lily snaps. 

“Oh, of course. How could I forget? You’re hanging out with all those Gryffindors now. What have they been telling you about us?”

“We don’t talk about you. I’m allowed to have friends who actually -”

“So they’re your friends now? The last six years don’t mean anything? You spend a few months with them, and they have you convinced that everyone in Slytherin except you is awful. Because they’re all so perfect, aren’t they?”

“What are you talking about? Mulciber and Avery go around bragging about Dark Magic and you know it. You even join them sometimes.”

“What about the stuff Potter and her mates get up to?”

“What’s Potter got to do with anything?” 

Her cheeks warm. In the moment, she isn’t sure whether it’s anger or the mention of Jamie causing it. Her own doubt, though, can only help however Severus sees this. 

“They’re not as wonderful as you seem to think they are,” Severus answers. “You’ve seen what they do to me. How they treat us. You’re a Slytherin, you know. It’s only a matter of time before they decide they hate you too.”

Her nails bite into the meat of her palms as Lily’s hands tighten into fists. She forces every other part of her to still when she asks her next question through gritted teeth. “What did he try to do to Mary?”

“It was nothing,” says Severus coolly. “It was a laugh, that’s all.”

“A laugh? If it was a laugh, I would know what the hell is going on right now.”

“Why don’t you ask Potter? She can tell you all about how they were provoked and -”

“Provoked?” Lily repeats, voice strained. “How were they provoked?”

“By Potter and her friends doing the same things they always do. They’re a bunch of Gryffindors poking their noses in where they don’t belong and getting in the way. It’s only a matter of time before they -”

“Get attacked in the corridor?”

“Before we have to react,” Severus says. “The rest of us shouldn’t have to take whatever they do because they happen to be Dumbledore’s favorites. This time, Macdonald got in the way too. Mulciber was tired of dealing with it, and I don’t blame him.”

“What did he do?”

“He defended himself! He shouldn’t have to deal with that from filthy little mudbloods like her!”

Severus’ eyes are cold and black. She’s seen him start to get this way before, but this is farther than what she remembers. In the past, he had a few buttons that stayed unpushed for her. Both of them extended patience to the other that they didn’t have for anyone else. In all the years they have been friends, there are a few things he would never say to her.

Lily watches the moment where all those things shatter. 

“Fine,” Lily says. “I won’t bother asking next time.”

It takes Severus a few extra seconds to recognize the significance of his outburst. His eyes widen again, one hand waving in front of him like he can erase the last few seconds of time.

“Wait, no. I didn’t mean -”

“Good bye, Severus.”

What started as her mission comes into sharp focus. She can’t let Severus and his bigotry distract her. Mary is in the Hospital Wing, and her housemates had something to do with it. She can’t waste her time on what is happening between her and Severus.

She needs to be Head Girl.

She needs to be a decent person.

She needs to be a friend.

When she gets to the Hospital Wing, Lily doesn’t hesitate. She storms through, the door banging against the wall when she shoves it open. Like usual, it’s mostly empty. A few people are clustered by one of the beds, murmuring in low voices. 

That must be where she needs to go.

Before she makes it to the bed, Sirius looks up. His face twists and kills some of the righteous anger that brought her there, freezing her in place and making her stomach knot. Jerkily, he tugs the curtains closed so she can’t see the person on the bed.

Lily’s mouth goes dry.

“What happened?”

Jamie turns. Her hand is so tangled in her hair at first that Lily wonders how she gets it out so quickly. Though her hand drops to her side, Jamie’s lopsided curls tell Lily that it isn’t the first time she’s tried to find answers there in the last hour. 

“Padfoot, it’s Lily,” Jamie says. “She didn’t -” 

“It was one of her friends,” Sirius says harshly.

“What?”

Sirius casts a glance toward the curtains covering Mary and looks back at Lily, his gaze steely. “Where have you been, Evans?”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Jamie says. “Lily’s not responsible for this. She would never -”

“What’s going on?” Lily says for what feels like the thousandth time since Cornelia talked to her. She’s seen nearly everyone except the person she needs. She has some of the answers but not enough for everything to fall into place. “No one will tell me. What happened to Mary?”

“Mulciber.” 

Remus stands so he draws Lily’s attention away from the venom in Sirius’ gaze. He tugs on the bottom of his cardigan self consciously when everyone’s eyes go to him. “Mulciber happened.”

“Severus said -”

“Oh, because Snivellus is the most reliable person to ask.”

An hour ago, Lily might have been defensive. She might have told Sirius that he was wrong. That even though she had her suspicions and her own problems with the person who was supposed to be her best friend, he wasn’t allowed to give those things a voice. He wasn’t allowed to bring his own problems with Severus into this.

But it’s not an hour ago anymore.

“Mulciber is definitely not one of my friends.” As she talks, Lily’s voice gets louder. She takes a step forward and looks to Sirius again. “None of them are.”

“Lily,” Jamie says, “you don’t have to prove anything to us. We know you didn’t -”

“No,” Lily says. She keeps her eyes on Sirius. “I mean it. They aren’t my friends. They can’t do this to people and think it’s all right. I didn’t come to apologize for them or try to explain it away. I came because I want to check on Mary.”

If she wasn’t looking for it, Lily might not have seen how Sirius’ features soften. He has the kind of sharp jaw and angled nose that belong in her house more than his. While the people with those same features in her house use them to sneer, it looks like Sirius uses his to best advantage when standing guard.

Lily sees the moment when she changes from something he needs to guard against to someone he needs to add to his protection.

“Come here, Evans,” Sirius says. 

Her shoes are heavy like they’re filled with lead, but Lily takes another step toward him. She passes by Jamie. They’re close but for once, there’s something in the same room as Jamie that she wants to see more.

Maybe that’s not quite right. 

She doesn’t want to see a hurt Mary at all. She doesn’t want to see what Mulciber did to cause this much mess and worry. She doesn’t want to see it, but she wants to be here. If something happened, she doesn’t want to be sitting in the common room or ignoring reality.

Lily wants to do something about it.

Sirius guides her to a seat and helps her move it a few inches closer to the bed. He reaches up to shift the curtains. 

Mary’s face comes into view, pale and lacking her usual energy. The playful smile that often plays across her face is wiped smooth by whatever Madam Pomfrey must have given her to sleep. Lily looks carefully, scanning for traces of the girl who accepted her so readily. Her eyes stick on the bandages wrapped around the wrist that rests on her stomach. 

“Pomfrey says she’s done everything she could for the curse,” Sirius says quietly. He sits on the chair next to Lily’s and scoots it close. 

“Mary’s tough,” Peter says.

“She doesn’t let anything keep her down long,” Jamie agrees. 

Lily lets her eyes leave Mary at that. She tilts her chin up to see a determined look that is so Jamie it almost hurts. The hope igniting in her chest manifests in the faintest suggestion of a smile.

“She’s going to be all right,” Remus says, putting a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “I’ve been down here enough times to know all of Pomfrey’s facial expressions. She wouldn’t lie or make us think it’s better than it is.”

“She’s going to be okay,” Lily says. “I know it. In the meantime, we should make a plan to get all of her notes and take care of everything for her.”

Sirius gives a strangled laugh. “Evans, are you really talking about school right now?”

“If I was stuck in the Hospital Wing, I wouldn’t want to fall behind,” Lily says. “Do you think McGonagall is going to accept this as an excuse for skipping out on N.E.W.T. studying?”

“Don’t remind me,” Sirius groans.

“Lily is right,” Remus says, laughing. “You lot are always more concerned about updating me on pranks than letting me know what schoolwork I missed.”

“Then it’s good that you have me now,” Lily says.

For a second, she thinks she might have gone too far. They’ve let her into this moment, but that doesn’t mean she’s one of them. It doesn’t mean she’ll be welcomed back at any time.

“It is good,” Jamie says, dropping into the chair on Lily’s other side. She grins and runs her hand through her hair. This time, the action tames some of the snarls rather than exacerbating them. “Moony has someone else to quiz him. Frees up some time for us, Pads.”

“You hear that, Macdonald?” Sirius says. “I’d stay asleep for a little while longer. So much studying to look forward to when you wake up.”

They all laugh, breaking the worst of the ice. Nothing is perfect or fixed or right, but it isn’t all shattered either. If Pomfrey says Mary is going to be all right, she’s to be trusted. If Sirius Black is letting a Slytherin sit with them, they must think she is to be trusted too.

When Jamie slips her hand into Lily’s, she lets it stay there.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @women-inthe-sequel!


End file.
